The entertainment industry, for years, has shown love and relationships as a bed of roses. However, in reality it takes much more than love and attraction to have a healthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship can cause a lot of stress, in some cases, it even becomes the cause of depression. Unprotected sexual intercourse could potentially lead to pregnancy, an unbalanced power dynamic can result in violence, and emotional outbursts can cause self-harms. During the years of puberty and adolescence, people go through hormonal and physical changes; in such crucial years of growth, the abovementioned instances can create painful memories for both partners. However, it would not be wrong to say that even in these scenarios girls have the shorter end of the stick. Girls are often subjected to the ‘hush-hush’ treatment. They are neither educated about intimacy nor about how to stand for themselves. Girls are advised to keep their emotions to themselves, due to which, when in a relationship they find it hard to express themselves freely. A healthy relationship is a relationship of equals; both partners should, and must, have mutual respect. Since teenagers have a very superficial idea about relationships, they develop unrealistic expectations. When the other partner is unable to fulfill that expectation, tension starts. Therefore, here are some tips for teenage girls for a healthy relationship-
Give space and take space!
Never forget that two people in a relationship are both full-fledged individuals. They have a school life, a family life, ambitions, and other aspirations. Unlike adults who are well settled, teenagers are still on the starting line. Thus, it is vital to give space to your partner. Being over-possessive and overbearing may result in a breakup or create rifts. Similarly, you should also take charge of your ambitions and goals.
Consent is Must
Always remember –‘no means no’. The principle of consent should be adopted and applied to keep your relationship healthy. Your yes and your no holds equal importance as your partners’. The 80s and 90s cinema have already fed the youth too much misogyny. Do net popular perceptions or ideas make you think that your partner can treat you however he/she likes WITHOUT your consent.
Know-how of intimacy
Intimacy is neither immoral nor a crime. You can be intimate with your partner, but, at the same time, you must make sure you know the precaution and consequences. Unprotected intercourse is a no-no. Female bodies are at risk of suffering consequences arising out of improper and unprotected intimacy. Thus, you should know your own body well. Enjoy, but go informed.
Self-love is a must
Mature adults are relatively more confident about themselves. On the other hand, teenagers suffer from a constant need for validation. Low self-esteem is common in teenagers. And when in a relationship, expectations overwhelm you. Remember, if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others. In the process of pleasing your partner, don’t embark on the path of self-loathing. Often, when one partner in a relationship is so anxious about themselves, the relationship becomes exhausting for both. So love yourself first!
Communication is key in any relationship
Sometimes the simplest of things is the toughest. Communication is the answer to most relationship problems. Even adults, sometimes, suffer from the issue of lack of communication. So, never let your ego get in the way and talk things out. Even if it is an angry outburst or an ugly cry, it is okay to do that. When you keep your feelings to yourself, they keep lingering inside you, to the point of suffocation. Jealousy, sadness, haplessness, and insecurity are all justified feelings. Instead of keeping them to yourself, communicate with your partner.
Who has the upper hand?
As mentioned above, a healthy relationship is that of equals. This idea, that one person may have the ability and power to control you, is obnoxious. More often than not, you let them have this power. Do not let yourself be entirely dependent on your partner. Learn to be alone. Remember, the highest personal victory is to accept yourself and living with yourself.
Accept monotony
Don’t expect a roller coaster ride every day; accept boredom. Neither you nor your partner can make your everyday extra special by going on dates or buying gifts. It is a partnership, commitment, and bonding; nothing more and nothing less. There might be days, weeks, and even months that will go by without any bouquets or dates; learn to embrace those quiet times as well.
Love is ‘not’ every thing
This thought that “all I need is redundant” is redundant; frankly, a lie. You would need trust, loyalty, and understanding to build a healthy relationship. You should have personal goals. Don’t make your love life the epicenter of your everyday life. Studies, assignments, personality development, skill development etc, are as important, especially in teen years.
Put efforts
Committing is easy; maintaining is not. Effortless relationships, as whimsical they may sound, are a bitter lie. Everything does not fall in place if you don’t try to make it fall into place. Make your partner feel loved, be there for him/her when they need you, support them and their dreams, care for them, and make them feel special from time to time. Assume that cupid is on vacation, and now everything is in your hands.
Don’t change
Growing and evolving is natural. However, forcing yourself to change so that you can match your partner’s standards is wrong and a clear red sign of an exit. You either like someone wholly, or you don’t. There is nothing in between. Due to the high beauty standards set and propagated by social media, teenagers-mostly girls- feel a sense of insecurity. If your partner expects you to behave a certain way, or look a certain way, know that it isn’t right. On the other hand, if you feel this pressure of inferiority, then go back to tip number five and, communicate! Also, this doesn’t go only one way. You, as well, shouldn’t burden your partner with your expectations.
Relationships in teenage years are bound to be tough; cinema, society, and social media make it tougher. The romanticized ideas of eternal love, selfless love, unconditional love, etc, create a whitewashed image of how relationships functions. Therefore, it becomes necessary to have a reality check early in life. Hopefully, these tips would prevent you from falling into the ditch of a toxic relationship. Lastly, as magical as it may sound, but, losing yourself in love is not advisable.