First, decide whether a sexless marriage concerns you
What’s essential for you and your partner, besides knowing out whether you meet a particular frequency, is to describe what sex define to each other. Stop relying on internet stories or other couples’ experiences to say what’s “usual.”
No one, except for the folks in the relationship, should decide if being in a sexless partnership is regarding. Everyone is dissimilar. If you and your partner are happy with having sex every quarter or once a year, then that’s fine.
In India, the word ‘sex’ is almost prohibited. We don’t get people, specifically women discussing the issue. It is as if that’s not their right. Not being conscious of or literate about it directing to women remaining in a sexless marriage. They think, they ‘ are worthy of it.’ Why? As they know nothing better.
In a country where women are finding equal speech rights, they are fighting similar battles in the sheets. According to some studies, in India, nearly 70 to 80 % of women remain in sexless marriages. Women live with their partners and don't get sexual pleasure.
Intimacy differs from couple to couple. For some, having sex 2-3 a week is the condition, while for others 6 times a month is normal.
Is it because they baffle compatibility with sex or because they believe that their pleasure is not so vital as their partner’s? Here are 13 reasons why people choose to remain stuck in sexless marriages.
1. Abuse: If either couple has gone through sexual abuse then it can leave behind outcomes and can create an impact on present and future bonds. The sensation of shame, fear and post-traumatic stress can influence sexual desire.
2. Sex outside marriage: If a woman has a disappointing sex life in her marriage, she looks for it outside of it. She may regularly have one or more sexual partners regardless of being married. Married women in India might even route to using dating apps or escort services without any guiltiness. The men they choose to be with are the ones they find good-looking or fine enough to have sex with but don’t generally get into a relationship with them.
3. Not prioritizing sexual satisfaction: In India, discussing one’s sex life is a big no. Thus, there is no awareness in both the husband and the wife. As discussions related to sexual satisfaction are measured vulgarly, women do not feel that it is a significant part of a marriage. A woman may not realize that by not prioritizing her sexual satisfaction, she is depriving herself of her vital right. Moreover, women are made to think that a sexless marriage isn’t the worst form of marriage to be in. Therefore, they persist to stay in it.
4. Having children:
Childbirth alters the formula in a couple's life. Kids gain the center of attention. Furthermore, women are generally advised by the doctor to avoid sex for at least 6 to 8 weeks after childbirth. The additional stress for taking care of a baby, fatigue, changes in the body, and hormonal factors can also influence a woman's sexual desire after childbirth. Sometimes kids sleeping with their parents also keep the couple off their physical intimacy.
5. Erectile Dysfunction: Nothing influences a man’s confidence more than ED. Unexpectedly many men have it but will not try to admit it. Men who have the symptoms should always consult their doctor, as it may be an indication of an underlying health state.
6. Blaming themselves for lack of sex: Women often feel accountable for the actions their husbands carry out. They feel blameworthy of their physical needs and even blame themselves for their sexual inappropriateness. What also silences them is their fear of receiving judgments. In Indian society, a woman is brought up in a way that doesn’t enable her to discuss her marriage problems even with her partner. Hence, she continues to remain in a sexless marriage
7. Work-life balance kills their sexual urge: In India, women are anticipated to maintain a work-life balance. They are thought to look after the house, family, and children along with earning a living. While men have the alternative to relax at the end of the day, the same is not the case for women. After a tiring day, she would wish to go off to sleep rather than have sex. Even if her husband is ready, she might delay the plan and this leads to aggravation and pressure between both the partners.
8. Low sex drive:
It is also called Hypo-Sexual Desire Disorder and is diagnosed in both men and women. In women, several factors may add which may comprise menstrual cycles, the usage of hormonal contraceptives, childbirth, breastfeeding, hysterectomy, and menopause.
9. Mental well-being: If either partner is facing mental health problems like depression and removal from society or company will affect a person's wish for sex and physical intimacy.
10. Life issues: Factors such as grieving, dullness of routine, body image problems, loss of job, aging all can be the reason for lack of curiosity in sex.
11. The belief that compatibility and sex are similar
This may come as a surprise to most, but experts say emotional compatibility has nothing to do with sexual approval. You could be good friends with your husband. You both could even be intensely in love. But even that may not assure a fulfilling sexual relationship.
“What we do not realize is that sex and compatibility are two different problems. Most Indian couples feel it is more significant to live amicably.
As per research, women she has met frequently stay in sexually deprived marriages because they are emotionally attached to their husbands. Living with someone for months or years can turn into a habit that one cannot get free of easily.
12. They never miss sex as it was never reasonable
A woman may lose interest in sex because her experience was never all right. She would quite stay away from it than have it and stay dissatisfied. Her partner’s early ejaculation, losing erection while insertion, the requirement of foreplay, etc. leave her dry and disappointed. These make sex less pleasurable for the woman and she willingly stays out of it. A woman’s self-respect gets lowered if she has less sex and she refrains from talking about her needs with her husband. She may even internalize it and take the fault on herself.
13. Health and medical problems: A woman’s or a man’s general physical and mental health can have a major influence on their libido and wish for physical intimacy. This issue can also disturb the physiological process of provocation in both sexes. If either of the couples is on medicines then be aware that many medications have sexual side effects. Some drugs can be the reason behind sexual dysfunction. These may be over-the-counter antihistamines, antidepressants, decongestants, and high blood pressure medications.
What can be done?
First of all know that if you’re going through a lack of sex in your marriage, you are not single-handedly. Your subsequent step should be to be familiar with the signs of a low-sex marriage and then determine whether a shortage of sex is a difficulty in your marriage.
References:
https://www.shethepeople.tv/sexual-health/women-sexless-marriage/
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/sexless-marriage