Adultery has existed since the beginning of marriage, yet it is still a poorly understood practise. People from all walks of life, regardless of socioeconomic status or region, are having extramarital relationships. Specially when things appear to be going well in the marriage, certain instances come as a shock. Married individuals cheat for a variety of reasons. Infidelity has a negative influence on up to 40% of married couples. Personality disorders and childhood issues, as well as possibilities like social media and a lack of boundaries, can all increase the likelihood that one of these causes will lead to an affair.
How common is cheating?
A recent study surveyed almost 500 people, the majority of whom were straight or heterosexual, on their prior experiences with cheating on a love partner (Selterman, Garcia, Tsapelas, & 2019). Infidelity is a primary cause of divorce and premarital breakups; it may lead to domestic violence; and it is a strong predictor of poor mental health, such as depression and anxiety (Fincham & May, 2017).
Infidelity occurs in about 15-20% of marriages. Women are somewhat more likely than males to be unfaithful among ever-married individuals aged 18 to 29. (11 percent vs. 10 percent ). According to a research, 20% of married couples are likely to experience infidelity.
Why people choose to have extramarital affairs
Because infidelity is one of the most distressing aspects of a romantic relationship, it's essential to consider why partners choose to be unfaithful. Frustration in the marriage is a typical cause; the cheater may attempt to fix problems numerous times without success. Perhaps they had second thoughts about getting married or were envious of the attention showered on a new baby, but neither lacked the communication skills to express their feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a cheating parent — that makes it difficult for him or her to stay loyal to a relationship. The cheater is less likely to respect monogamy, lack empathy, or simply be indifferent about the effects. These factors, of course, do not account for every instance of cheating. They do, however, provide a useful foundation for understanding why individuals cheat.
Dissatisfied - sexually and emotionally
A third of the individuals (32%) said they felt compelled to have an affair because of their sexual desire. Marriage dissatisfaction, either emotionally or sexually, is frequent. Marriage is a labour of love, and couples who do not nurture one other may grow apart. For both men and women, a sexless marriage is frequently identified as the main cause. A couple might become emotionally disconnected from one another for a variety of reasons, the most common of which are a lack of time and communication. Over time, you're likely to become emotionally disconnected from one other as a couple and begin to form emotional bonds with someone else. Feeling dissatisfied with your relationship's sex life, possibly because your spouse has lost interest or because you want to try something new that your partner cannot provide.
Lack of commitment
People who are less committed to their relationship are more likely to cheat, according to a 2018 study. They're in a relationship, but they haven't indicated whether or not the level of commitment is high or whether or not exclusivity exists. It's also possible to really admire someone but be hesitant to commit to them. In this instance, one spouse may cheat in order to avoid having to commit, even though they would prefer to continue in the relationship. In terms of commitment, nearly half of the participants (41%) said that their infidelity was driven by a lack of commitment to their love partners.
Anger or revenge
Many participants' affairs were influenced by their anger (43 percent). Cheating was viewed as a method to punish or avenge a partner in certain cases. If one of the partners has had an affair or has caused the other to suffer in some manner, the aggrieved spouse may feel compelled to seek revenge, which may lead to an affair. This could leave one partner wanting to have their spouse experience the same feelings to ensure that they fully understand the harm they have caused. Anger may function as a tremendous incentive to become intimate with someone else, regardless of the underlying cause.
Feeling unappreciated or neglected
Infidelity might result from a sense of being unappreciated or ignored. You get the impression that your spouse isn't paying enough attention to you or spending enough time with you. As a result of their partner's lack of attention, some people have affairs. Feeling neglected was shown to be at least significantly linked to cheating behaviour by 70% of participants. This was identified by more women than men as one of their reasons for cheating.
Falling out of love
Extramarital affairs are sometimes (but not always) the result of a flaw in an existing relationship. A lack of love for their stable partner, and/or stronger love for an extramarital partner, was indicated by nearly three-quarters (77%) of individuals as a pretty significant cause for cheating. Feelings of intense love have faded, and some individuals state they may have even fallen out of love. The relationship is boring, uninteresting, or stagnant to them. Lack of love is a strong motivator - it's certainly one of the most powerful (Selterman). The thrilling sensation of falling in love with someone rarely lasts forever. Over time, the intensity of these feelings generally subsides. Yes, there is such a thing as stable, long-lasting love. Keep in mind that just because you've fallen out of love doesn't imply you don't love each other.
Situation and opportunities
Infidelity isn't always premeditated and motivated by dissatisfaction with a current relationship. Many participants (70%) stated that the situation was a major influence in their cheating. When you're in a new environment or aren't feeling yourself — for example, when you're on vacation, drunk, or under a lot of stress — you could have a strong desire to sexually explore that isn't part of your regular routine. Absences, whether for work or pleasure, give more possibilities for affairs to occur. Absence allows a spouse to have an affair without fear of being found out, or it can lead to loneliness and anger. Men were more likely than women to consider this motive as a basis for their infidelity.
Self-esteem
The act of having an affair helps improve one's ego and self-esteem for certain people. More than half of the individuals (57%) said cheating was motivated by a desire to boost their self-esteem. Some people believe that sleeping with others would improve their self-esteem, show their independence, or boost their social position and popularity. Infidelity might be motivated by a desire to improve one's self-esteem. Having sex with a new person might make them feel good. They may feel powerful, appealing, confident, or successful. Receiving praise and appreciation from a new person, on the other hand, may be fresh and thrilling.
Boredom
Extramarital affairs are sometimes motivated by boredom or a desire to escape the routine and grind of everyday life. Cheaters are more likely to be men and women seeking the thrill of the chase and the excitement of new love. A need for variety is a component in many people's cheating habit (74 percent). This was mentioned by more men than women as a cause for their disloyalty.
Some couples are able to overcome infidelity and go on to have even better relationships, while others are unable to do so. The likelihood of you being able to move on from the affair is determined by a number of factors, including the circumstances surrounding its occurrence and the personalities of both people concerned. Both partners must listen to each other in order to really comprehend and move forward. When it comes to overcoming infidelity, it appears that mutual forgiveness and a strong commitment to the relationship are necessary.
Sources:
https://www.verywellmind.com/why-married-people-cheat-2300656#overcoming-infidelityhttps://www.today.com/health/infidelity-8-reasons-why-people-cheat-become-unfaithful-t121512
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201910/the-8-main-reasons-why-people-cheat