How to get genuinely comfortable asking for help from others?
Do you find difficult to accept help from others? It’s time to talk why this might be.
Most of us often ruined our own day by refusing to ask for help or even accept help from others when it’s offered without any prompting whatsoever. So, firstly I’d like to share my own story where I refused to accept help from other people. One fine day, my washing machine blitzed out mid-cycle resulting in me dragging a huge haul of sodden sheets and clothes over to the launderette. In the first place I was not at all comfortable asking for help from my neighbour but she offered help. So, despite my neighbour insisting me that is was absolutely fine to use their washer dryer I refused to accept her help because for me it was completely bizarre or awkward to accept help from others. Rather I prefer doing it alone by not asking for help.
Well, now you get the picture the list goes on and on forever. So, no matter how much older I get or wiser I get for some people like me they have never been able to shake off this weird insistence that I need to do everything by myself even when knowing that it’s having a detrimental impact on my emotional well-being. Thus, many of us need help but either they are not comfortable or they are afraid to ask.
“ Asking for help demands that we show our vulnerable side too. ”
So, intrigued to find out how you can overcome your fears. Here are some important issues I’d like to address and you focus on:
Why are so many of us afraid to ask for, or even accept help?
Asking for help is daunting, even when it’s a quite simple request because many of us have learnt to not ask for help from others in our lives. We have that feeling of putting someone else out, hence we feel that we should be able to do it alone. Also, the main issue of not asking help or even accepting help is the very fact that we fear “ what others might think of us”.
So, when it’s come to accepting help, some of us may not realise that they can do it with an extra hand and support; from others . But we feel the support we get doesn’t fit quite right with us, so we turn away from it.
What does this disinclination say about us on a deeper level?
It can say a lot about how’ve learnt to understand the world around us because asking for help requires relying and trusting on someone else. It demands to show our vulnerable side too. Also, if you’ve been let down before, we might feel incredibly uncomfortable doing this. Of course, the fact that people usually underestimate the odds that others will help us, which ultimately leads us to assume that our request may be rejected. It might also be that we like to be in control of ourselves and find it difficult to let go of that. But as a society we have created a stigma of not being OK, asking for help around us.
So, this means then, that we are not sure how to accept help and prefer doing it alone. Also, we are particularly worrying or afraid about what others will think of us accepting help in any form. Thankfully, we are breaking this stigma down but it’s still going to take time.
How can we get comfortable asking for help when we need it?
Usually we tend to feel guilty and shameful asking for help around us, but it’s time to change thinking that way. So, it’s useful to try unravelling why this may be?
A quite simple way to understand this and get comfortable asking for help by using this following technique:
- Try asking yourself, what will happen if I ask for help?
- What has happened before when I have asked for help?
- Who should I ask for help?
Based on the above questions you will be able to get an idea of how to get comfortable asking for help.
- These questions will serve to help you break down some of the barriers to getting support
- Also, you need to understand why you worry about what might happen.
- It’s also important to introspect your previous experiences
- Lastly, figure out the right person or people for asking help, ideally someone you can trust or rely on.
- After finding the right person it is recommended that you should prepare what you want to say as well as figure out how much backstory or detail is required to help that person understand our request.
- But before asking for help it might be worth having some notes written down that you can use while communicating as you’ll find easier to be comfortable and clearer about what will suit your needs.
However, when you ask for help and receive it can trigger a battle of negative self- talk. So, it’s a good idea to get ahead of that and prevent yourself feeling uncomfortable any more than you might already.
If you think and notice of any unhelpful thoughts try this:
- Take a deep breath and change the narrative.
- Try these affirmations such as “ I’m glad I said something because now I am not alone with this” or “ we all struggle from time to time, it’s not embarrassing but it’s completely normal.
Grace McMahon, lead life coach of online life improving well-being platform “Beingwell” shares her insight “ It’s important to remember that human beings are basically wired to want to give help; it’s rewarding, not to mention one of the richest sources of self-esteem. Also she adds, you may actually find that your relationships only grow stronger as a result of allowing your loved ones to support you.
On the flip side, how can you tell if a friend really does need our help but they are too polite to ask?
If you think someone you know is politely declining help but actually might want some, the best way to know is, ‘ask again’. Do you remember the phrase “ Think twice before you speak” so the same way “ Always ask something twice if you’re unsure of an answer”.
We normally ask people ‘how are you’? over a phone call or anywhere if you meet someone out of politeness. But in that same place when it’s your friends or family or people you love, the trick is you ask them twice or again and again to find out what what’s really going on.
“Asking a second time tells others we care and want to know, it’s making a deliberate effort to find out and it will help them to reconsider their original answer”.
In conclusion, If you find someone is trying to be polite they are probably more worried about putting you out than anything, so you can offer some options of what exactly you can do. But you should be sure to stick to suggestions that you are truly willing to do, and then you can ask them to pick one or two.
Lastly, just remember to take care of yourself when you are helping others too.
SOURCE:
https://www.stylist.co.uk/health/mental-health/asking-for-help-psychology/563290