What is Love Bombing and how to deal with it?
What exactly is "love bombing"?
When two people meet and the chemistry is great, there can be a rush of tremendous feelings, affection, and hopes for what the relationship could become, which is all good, right? Yes, in theory; but, be aware of indicators that the other person's behaviour is becoming too extreme, too rapidly.
"Love bombing is an unnecessarily passionate and exaggerated exhibition of emotional or sexual affection aimed at influencing the behaviour of the target," explains psychotherapist and relationship expert Noel McDermott (noelmcdermott.net).
So be wary of excessive attention and flattery, nonstop contact, neediness, over-the-top confessions of love, and much too early promises about the future.
"It should be a very serious red flag that you should exit if it happens during the dating period," McDermott adds. "It's frequently utilised by sex addicts to obtain their dose." They usually calm off or vanish after assaulting you, as long as it fulfils a purpose for them.
What if you're a little further along?
Regrettably, love bombing isn't limited to the early stages of a relationship. In coercive relationships, the behaviour can also show up later on. "It generates a very toxic pattern of distorted love dependencies in domestic abuse and control scenarios," McDermott explains. "It can be seen to induce a form of neuro-chemical numbing of poor relationship experiences on the victim's behalf."
So, if a partner has been unkind to you, they may compensate by showering you with affection in an attempt to mitigate the terrible experience. "It builds extremely powerful neural pathways," McDermott adds, "since our brains are hardwired to hardwire around stress and love – put them both together and the consequence can be devastating in terms of developing serious codependency." "It grows worse the longer they are subjected to it."
What else to look out for?
According to McDermott, is "extraordinary intensity in their attention to you, followed by absence and the love bomber's incapacity to enjoy non-intense closeness." They may also have a "inability to work through conflict or problems," and resort to sex, love, and gifts to avoid more serious discussions.
"Learn to distinguish between intensity and intimacy." Intensity is a severe red flag that should warn that moving on is not a good option."
According to McDermott, other warning signs include "exceptional intensity in their attention to you, followed by absence and the love bomber's inability to enjoy non-intense intimacy." They may also suffer from a "inability to work through disagreement or problems," resorting to sex, love, and gifts to escape having to deal with more serious issues.
"Understand the difference between intensity and closeness." Intensity is a major red flag that should alert you to the fact that moving on is not a good idea."
What should you do if you come across it?
Basically, run a mile. "Go cold turkey and block them," McDermott advises. "Don't try to repair this because it isn't your problem; they are the ones who need to change, not you." "First, get yourself to safety and never underestimate the damage this type of abuser may inflict you," he advises if you're further along in a relationship.
"When you're in a partnership, make sure you have a decent network of friends and family." That is your most valuable resource for recognising the problem and summoning the guts to leave.
Finally
Your mission is to identify the maladaptive defences [that prevent you from adapting to new or unpleasant circumstances] you've developed, such as self-hatred, self-blame, and poor self-esteem, and ruthlessly drive them out of your sense of here and now." Seek expert counselling to acquire insight, forgive oneself, overcome shame, learn good life lessons, and adopt new behaviours.