Is finding a match or dating post-lockdown actually easier?
The pandemic-enforced lockdowns hit us all hard, but you could argue and content, also many would, fervently, that single people were among the most affected. Isolation was a necessity, and those of us without partners had confirmed what they’d speculated all along: the world really is biased toward comfortable coupledom. Under lockdown rules and restrictions, random hook-ups became illicit, friends with benefits became worthless, and meeting in person was dicing with death.
The physical was off-limits, yet tech stepped up. With in-person meets off the table, you might think dating apps would be tumbleweed focal, but single people flocked to applications just to chat to others in the same or similar situation. Video dating, or if nothing else getting a look at someone on camera to ensure they weren't a catfish, a killer, or an anti-vaxxer, became a necessity for human connection, and there’s evidence it will remain (linger) beyond the pandemic too, particularly among younger dates. Tinder says 40% of its Generation Z members have told them they’ll continue to use digital dating as part of the process.
The minimal precautionary measures of COVID-19 gave dating an inconvenient edge. Furthermore, social distancing is aimed at keeping you further apart, and face coverings keep mouths away from you. It’s little wonder that as restrictions eased, various dating applications and surveys reported that single people were anxious and restless as they prepared to put themselves back out there.
YPulse’s Dating in a Post-COVID World study found that 17% of this had its positive side, in that we became more familiar to thinking about consent: daters “had a prior conversation on safety precautions before meeting ” and 16% “asked for consent to physically touch a date”
Newspaper headlines waver between claims that one-night stand (casual hook-up) is dead, and that rampant dating hordes are barely shutting down from a summer of sin. But what’s it really likes for those on the dating frontline?
For many single people, the long lockdowns were an opportunity for reflection and introspection. Particularly, the time to examine how they were feeling, learn and find out about themselves and what they truly needed from a relationship.
Here are some opinions by people about dating post-lock-down or finding a match. Let’s see what they have to say.
Blake, who’s 24 and gay, says he’s noticed a shift away from time-wasting. “Talking to guys on Tinder, I have noticed one thing that they’re bound to open and reply to messages a lot sooner,” he says, but face-to-face meetings are still under the shadow of COVID-19. “Anxiety is definitely something I’ve noticed a lot more, with some asking for outdoor dates rather than going for a meal.
Tom, 29 and straight, mainly uses social media to meet potential dates and feels people are eager to go. “Honestly, everyone is so tired and sick of being at home and distressed as well as miserable,” he says. “However, there’s a ‘might as well’ attitude to it that you might probably not get on the apps. What have you got to lose?”
Emma, 22, says her Tinder dates are much less likely to haul out casual conversation and want to meet sooner, and she’s all for it, yet it's anything but a crazy situation and it’s not a free-for-all, you actually have to bring the charm. “That works better for me, as long as I can see we'd have things in common and they sent somewhat normal opening message,” she says. “I get the impression people are done wasting time and are less likely to play the field."
Of course, once you’re actually on the physical date, regardless if you brush aside mask-wearing bar staff and hand sanitiser as far as the eye can see, the phantom of the coronavirus is never far away.
After all, what else do you talk about? Basically, what you’ve been up to, or what’s happening in the world. Blake is a radiographer and he has been closer to the NHS frontline than most. “I want to talk and discuss something that isn’t work-related!” he says, but concedes his job means lockdowns and anti-vaxxing does come up. “I’m quite strongly opinionated about these topics and try to avoid them.
It’s shaped and molded our lives and we’ve all had such a unique experience,” “You have to lean into it a bit, and talk about it in a meaningful and significant way rather than have the same arguments about vaccines.” “And yes, of course, an unvaccinated person is a dealbreaker for me. Come on!” Blake said.
However, Tinder’s option to add vaccination status has assist Emma know what she’s getting into and avoid potentially awkward chat on the first date. “In general you can quite quickly pick up on someone's view about government actions and vaccines from a few conversations,” she says.
Relax, it’s not she’d be chatting about the pandemic on a date anyway: “We all know it's happening and it is good to have a break from hearing about it while you get to know someone new.” Emma said.
One thing that comes up, repeatedly and frequently, is the shift to “slow dating” as individuals are searching for more valuable connections. Many are looking for worthwhile dates with the focus and emphasis on a specific activity such as meeting for drinks in a local boozer might give way to watching TV shows together, visiting museums, going for walks, or fitness dates.
“I’m having more deep and meaningful conversations, putting more effort and investing my time and energy into them to make sure meeting someone new isn't a waste of time,” says Blake.
I'm more prudent with regards to who I date and less likely to put up with ghosting or red flags(warnings)". Ashley 28, who is gay, thinks that the restrictions have stimulated and inspired men to get out there and have a good time. “Guys I’ve dated seem keener to not waste time by sitting around idly rather they get that date arranged pretty quickly as soon as we start talking on Tinder,” he says.
Before COVID-19, if things went well on a first date and the mood was right, a, “Do you want to come back to mine?” might have been in the air. But has the pandemic successfully cock-blocked anyone who doesn’t believe that true love waits?
However, Ashley is double vaccinated and on prep, also he has taken measures to protect himself, but he still doesn’t think it would happen on a first date, though not through COVID fear: “I like to know someone more before becoming intimate with them” he said.
For Tom, he’s not averse to a one-nighter, but says the stakes have changed somewhat. “Maybe a couple of years ago, if it had gone well but we weren’t going home together, I’d be offended or worry they didn’t fancy me, but I’ve had to take my head out of my arse a bit. I’d be more understanding now – we’ve all been through and experienced a lot” Tom said.
It depends on the person, obviously,” says Ruth, 27, “but people will be more upfront about it now either way. Part of coming out of restrictions is taking back a bit of control, and being direct. You’re bound to work out before the date if you’re on a similar wavelength” she said.
So does this mean one-nighters might have become a casualty of COVID-19? “Not in my experience,” says Tom, “but I’ve been on several dates where we’ve agreed we want to explore the connection more first, check whether things could go somewhat further, play it by ear. It’s quite exciting to feel like that again” he said.
In conclusion, we may have to live alongside COVID-19 forever, but the dating scene is in robust health, with just as many brilliant contradictions as before hopefully with a few tweaks for the better. If you’re venturing back out there, remember everyone’s experience has been unique, and your keywords (catchphrases) should be ‘confidence ‘and ‘consideration’.
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Image Source: Google