Why Gen Z avoids committed relationships, rather than prefers casual hookups
It is seen Generation Z or Gen Z has been maligned as the hook-up generation. But is it what they want?
Generation Z is the first entirely digital generation and the largest demographic in western history. Gen Z are those born in the late 1990s and early 2000s and is the subject of extensive research.
Generation Z is often considered to be entitled, dependent and lacking real- life skills. These youth also display resilience and creativity.
However, this adaptive ability extends to their navigation of sexuality and relationships, which are in flux stemming from factors like digital dating practices, rising income inequality and lower marriage rates.
But what about their sex lives?
Sometimes they are described and reported by popular news media as the hyper sexual “hookup generation”. However, other news channel defines and explain that this generation is ‘less sexed’ than previous youth groups because they have fewer partners.
So, have you thought what does dating even mean? And what drives young people decision-making about the kinds of relationships they engage in?
So, in order to find about the sexual culture in the current Generation Z, a study was conducted by a sex researcher who examined and asked questions to some undergraduate students at the Western University as it was a part of her qualitive research. So, the main objective of the research was to find out about the sexual culture in the current Generation Z.
She conducted individual interviews with 16 women and seven men from diverse socio-cultural backgrounds and sexual orientation including gay, lesbian, bisexual, bi-curious and straight.
So basically, at the end of the research what she finds out and learned was their diverse relationships structures and terminologies that were fascinating and confusing, even to a seasoned sex researcher like her.
“Boyfriends and girlfriends are passé (out of date/ old-fashioned). And what is happening right now is flabbergasting like seeing people hookups and friends with benefits are where it’s at” she said.
So, based on her findings, the current Gen Z dating culture is described and defined by sexual flexibility and complex struggles for intimacy, which is difficult to achieve in the fluid relationships they prefer.
Dating Lingo
So, some participants in her study called the beginning of their relationships “wheeling”. However, this term was used in high school. Though, “seeing someone” is more commonly used and employed in the university context to describe and explain the onset of a causal relationship with one or more partners.
Some of her participants are from Toronto. So, one of the participants who was from that city explained that “dating” implies a formal relationship. Instead, they say something like, “it’s a thing”. In the city who have been influenced by Jamaican culture call it a “ting”
Here is a phrase, “It’s a kind of called a thing if you’ve heard that, a ting, it’s a Toronto thing, ‘oh it’s my ting”.
However, youth participants said that they feel one of the reasons they and their peers avoid committed relationships is to avoid getting hurt and then be disheartened. They also said they struggle to find intimacy in committed relationships, so they feel it is better to avoid getting in one.
Here are few comments mentioned below by the current Generation Z participants when they’ve been asked about why they avoid committed relationships.
“Dating is a more significant term that specifies longevity. And I think people are scared of saying ‘we’re dating’ so for a while they’re like ‘a thing’” Ellie said.
However, many of these Generation Z people also engage in casual relationships to protect themselves from being hurt.
“I think the lack or fear of commitment and also a fear of it not working out and having to say, ‘we broke up” so that’s why we avoid committed relationships, Pearl said.
Lastly, trust issues and the risk of the unknown also comes into the play.
Lovers in hyper- sexualized time
So, many Gen Z participants discussed being evaluated by peers based on their sensual or carnal accomplishments. Thus, being sexual is a key social and cultural resource.
As Ji shared: It shows power and you’re cool, basically.”
Similarly, Alec said:
“It’s a very sexual environment right now. People just want to like, I have no words no explain. Everyone is looking to fuck and have sex. I’ve been pushed by female floor mates to go dance with that girl even when I don’t want to. And she’s like ‘You need to fuck someone tonight’ and I’m like ‘ Really? Do I?’ that kind of thing, the pressure I feel .”
So, Mike identified the factors behind the emphasis on sex, and of course, it is the fear of intimacy and the social expectation that ‘everybody’s doing it:’
“I think people are also afraid to say that they want that intimacy because they are scared to lose their partner by saying this. And it’s such a culture right now where committed relationships are not a thing and it’s so like ‘just have sex.’ I’ve seen that no one really says, ‘I want to spend time with you’ or ‘I want to cuddle with you ’ everything right now is just about sex, everyone is supposed to be hyper sexual and that’s the expectation” he said.
So, in her findings she came to the conclusion that for many students, their university years are a transformative time intellectually, socially and sexually.
While it may be tempting to discredit and disgrace young people’s sex lives as fleeting, but her participants demonstrated a remarkable capacity for change, sexual desire and emotional complexity.
Can Generation Z train hearts for new relationship patterns? Is it good for them?
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