11 warning signs that indicate you should call the wedding off
Some relationships appear to be on the verge of failure, but the couple involved appears to be oblivious to this possibility until it's too late. Often, these relationships exhibit early warning signs, but those involved fail to recognize them until it is too late. How can you spot these warning signs and keep yourself and those you care about from becoming entangled in a toxic relationship?
Why Do People Ignore the Signs?
There are numerous reasons why you might ignore the warning signs that indicate you are in an unhealthy relationship. You can be literally blinded by love at times. The emotions and chemistry you and your partner experience are so intense that they overpower all other aspects of your relationship. You may both feel that you have invested too much in the relationship, that you have been together for too long, and that you should go ahead with the wedding despite your reservations.
In extreme cases, either you or your partner may feel insecure or undeserving of a better relationship, so you both cling to each other even if you are not as happy as you should be.
You owe it to yourself and your future spouse, however, to be honest about the situation and to pay attention to the signs that both of you are not meant for each other. It is far better and less painful to cancel a wedding than it is to dissolve a marriage.
Top 11 Warning Signs You Need to Recognise:
1. Controlling Behaviour
This aspect of a relationship may sneak up on you without your knowledge. You may feel flattered at first that your partner is interested in everything you do and concerned enough to tell you what he or she thinks you should do. There comes a point, however, when the behaviour shifts from concern to control.
Is your partner telling you where you should go, what you should do, how you should dress, or who you should spend time with? It could be overt or hidden behind needy and manipulative behaviours, but if you're afraid or hesitant to make everyday decisions you've always made on your own, and you find yourself needing "permission" from your partner, you may have a problem.
2. Addiction or Abuse
When it comes to drugs, addiction, gambling, or abuse, physical or otherwise, there is no such thing as a "little habit." If your partner is constantly losing money on horses, 4D, or mah-jong, or frequently blacks out after drinking all night, is using drugs or has hit or hurt you, you should end the relationship immediately. You cannot have a healthy, positive relationship with your partner until and unless he or she makes the commitment to seek treatment and truly break free from addictive and abusive behaviours. Your partner has no space for an “us” if they cannot be personally responsible for the choices they make for themselves.
3. Broken Promises
True, there will be times when neither of you can keep a promise, but this should be the exception rather than the rule. It should also be accompanied by an explanation, advance notice, and plans to ensure that no one suffers as a result of the failure to keep the promise. If your partner is constantly breaking promises, there is a deeper problem with responsibility, reliability, and respect for the relationship that you both share.
4. Infidelity
There are some couples who move past infidelity, but this is usually due to extreme commitment on both sides, a shared desire to protect the children in the marriage, perhaps an affair that occurred once and under unusual circumstances, and a lot of counselling and forgiveness.
However, the majority of people who are unfaithful are repeat offenders. So, if your partner has "friends with benefits" or has been unfaithful, you should take some time to seriously reconsider your relationship. If your partner is unwilling to make an exclusive commitment to you, he or she is not ready to marry you.
5. Financial Irresponsibility
Whether you like it or not, after you marry, you will share financial responsibilities with your spouse. If your partner does not share your financial values, you will have many disagreements in your marriage. If you have children, buy a home, or make any other significant investments, you will want to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page in terms of the financial sacrifices and priorities that you will both want to maintain.
Pay attention to financial red flags such as: your partner is frequently out of work, racks up large credit card bills and goes into debt, borrows money for non-investment purposes, frequently spends money on expensive and unnecessary personal "toys," and you find yourself always paying the bills for your dates together.
6. You Can’t Stand Your Future In-Laws
Yes, we are discussing a marriage between two wonderful people. However, you should be aware that after marriage, you will have to coexist with your future in-laws. If you don't, your future spouse will always be stuck between you and them, causing significant stress and strain on the marriage. If you can't stand your future in-laws and your partner doesn't understand why, you might need to reconsider your ability to be a part of your partner's life.
7. You Can’t Agree on the Same Values
This is huge. Before committing to a life together, make sure that you and your future spouse share the same values. You must have discussed and agreed on issues such as your financial goals, how you intend to manage your finances in the future, whether or not you expect your spouse to always work and support the family, whether or not you want to have children, who will be responsible for caring for and raising your children, where you intend to live, and what culture, religion, and moral codes you intend to follow.
If you haven't had this conversation yet, the best way to do so is to take a marriage preparation course together. If you've taken a marriage preparation course and still can't agree on the values you want to live by, you may need to give yourselves more time to decide if you can work together to have a successful marriage.
8. You are Isolated
This occurs when your partner always plans activities "just for the two of you." You feel flattered at first because you are the centre of attention, but after a while you realize that you are increasingly being isolated from your friends and family. This is a clear indication that something is wrong. When someone isolates you from everyone in your life who has supported you, they make you vulnerable to them and easier to control and influence. They take away your support system, which is never a good thing. If you care about someone, you'll want to make sure they're protected and cared for by people who care about them as much as you do. If your future spouse is unwilling to do this, you should be aware that they may not care for you as much as you believe.
9. You Feel Unimportant
If you feel like you're always last in line, that there are always priorities ahead of you – your partner's job, their family, friends, or hobbies – you should try to figure out why. You're probably last because you're not that important to your future spouse. If this is the case, you should end the relationship and look for one in which your future spouse values you and sees you as important.
10. Your Partner Treats Others Poorly
Actions speak louder than words. Examine how your partner interacts with people, whether they are strangers, relatives, acquaintances, or friends. Observing their behaviour from a distance will give you a better idea of whether or not your future spouse is the person you believe them to be.
11. You Fight All the Time
Conflict and the ability to successfully resolve it are a part of all relationships. However, you should not be constantly at odds with your future spouse. If you discover that you are:
You could be in a toxic relationship with a partner who causes a lot of conflict. The chemistry is clearly negative in this case, and your relationship is unlikely to thrive or weather the difficulties and conflicts that you will face as you build a family and fight for a future together.