35 Ways To Initiate An Actually Good Conversation On A Dating App
Starting a conversation with someone on a dating app can be extremely awkward. When you're trying to start a conversation, everything feels cheesier and more forced, but it's like ripping off a Band-Aid — the hard part will be over soon, and you'll feel so much better. If you're having trouble sending the first message, having some good opening lines on hand can help.
"Whether you choose to initiate the conversation on a dating app or face-to-face with someone you're interested in, having a great conversation starter in your back pocket is always important," Kate MacLean, a resident dating expert at PlentyOfFish, tells Bustle. "A thoughtful question or reference to your date's hobbies and interests will almost certainly result in an exchange of information that can tell you a lot about someone and, more importantly, whether or not you're compatible."
As a general rule, asking a question or implying that they send a response is preferable to simply making a statement, which can be easily ignored. Of course, the best opening lines are humorous. So, if you're not sure where to begin, think about questions you could ask based on their bio — or try one of these opening lines, which are all far superior to "hey."
1. "What's Your Theme Song?"
The way a person responds to this question reveals a lot about them. Will they crack a joke or take themselves seriously? Also, a little insight into their musical tastes is always beneficial.
2. "In three words, how would you describe yourself? In three words, how would your friends describe you?"
This question not only allows you to get to know them better, but the contrast between how they describe themselves and what their friends would say can be very interesting.
3. Cheese, Pepperoni, Or Hawaiian?"
It's critical to get right to the meat of the political issues from the start. It's better to find out if your ideals are in sync now rather than later.
4. What is the worst opening line you've ever heard?"
Anyone who has had any experience with online dating has had some humdingers, so this will most likely provide you with an opportunity to share some dating app stories.
5. Where is your favourite place you've visited?"
If you enjoy travelling, finding out where they like to go is a great way to start the conversation and gauge compatibility.
6. "What Is the Worst Date You've Ever Had? Myself Involved..."
Sometimes you have to give in order to receive. Sharing an awkward event from your life can make the other person feel more at ease opening up to you about a humorous or embarrassing experience.
7. "We've gotten married. I'm complaining about not knowing what to eat. What do you think...?"
The answer to this question could define the rest of your life, so it's best to get it out of the way early. A person's food preferences can also reveal a lot about them.
8. Which three characters best describe you?"
You're probably safe as long as the answer doesn't involve any of the characters from Succession.
9. What made you swipe right?"
If you want to get right to the point about what the other person is interested in and get the conversation started, ask them why they said yes.
10. "Do You Dig Out All Of The Best Parts Of Ice Cream Or Share Them Equally When Sharing?"
Friendship groups, lovers, and countries are divided by this question (probably). Determine whether they will dig out all of the cookie dough or save some for you. Discover the truth now, before it's too late.
11. "What Show Are You Currently Marathon Watching?"
Get some insight into whether or not you're going to fight over the remote — and maybe even some good recommendations.
12. "What Is Your Favourite Book?"
Start the conversation on a literary note if you're a reader (or want to appear to be one).
If you're a Game of Thrones fan, this is a great way to learn more about your favourite character's personality.
14. “What Is Your First Thought When You Wake Up In The Morning?"
Being an early riser or a night owl can make a big difference in a relationship — just ask anyone who's shared a bed with someone who sleeps differently. Observing how they deal with their morning routines can also be a fun way to learn more about them.
15. “Why Did You Pick This App?"
There are numerous dating apps available, so learning why they chose this particular one can help you understand what they're looking for and see if you're on the same page.
16. "Can You Describe Your Ideal First Date?"
It's a good way to set the tone for what's to come. Furthermore, gaining an understanding of their dating style can be extremely beneficial.
17. "If You Could Live With A Celebrity For A Day, Who Would You Choose And Why?"
Seeing which celebrities someone is at least mildly interested in can reveal a lot about the type of pop culture they consume and their interests.
18. "What's the best opening line you can come up with?"
This is a good option if you're interested but want them to take the lead. If you're used to sending out opening lines, it can be refreshing to step back and let others take the first step.
19. "Favourite Sunday Activities?"
Depending on your work schedule, Sunday is often a day with no ties and no obligations, allowing you to completely customise your day. Getting a sense of what they enjoy doing can be very telling.
20. "Which meme best describes you, and why?"
Whether it's a recent Twitter or TikTok meme or a classic "This is fine." meme, you'll get a sense of how they see themselves and their sense of humour.
21. "What's the Worst Nickname You've Ever Had?"
Get a sense of their personality. Nicknames are usually given for a reason, and they usually come from a great storey.
This is another example of a conversation starter where giving a little bit first can help. Simply tell an embarrassing storey and see what happens.
23. "You only have 72 hours left on this planet. What are you going to do?"
They could go all-out to save the world, or they could hide out for three days and eat pizza and enjoy themselves. In either case, it can start a lively discussion.
24. "Standard Greeting, Harry Potter Pickup Line, Or Rap Battle?"
This was a genuine message sent by someone, and we can only hope that they lived happily ever after.
25. “Can you name as many different pasta shapes as you can?"
If they can only name one or two, ask them what they like to cook. You'll have a first date idea in no time.
26. "I'm Going to Let You Assume One Thing About Me Based On My Profile: Go."
This line, taken from a party icebreaker game, gives them the opportunity to tell you what they think of you based solely on your pictures and bio, which can be very illuminating and, hopefully, amusing.
27. "What movie would you see for the first time if you could?"
This is essentially a creative way to ask someone what their favourite movie is without sounding like a jerk. And who knows, it might even lead to a movie night date.
28. "What's Your Favourite Karaoke Song?"
Knowing someone's favourite karaoke song reveals a lot about them. What if they don't have one? The red flag. Not to mention that this line perfectly positions you to suggest a karaoke meetup.
29. “If You Could Be on Any Reality TV Show, Which One Would You Choose?"
Their response will reveal A. what kind of shows they enjoy, B. what their general interests are, and C. whether or not they are competitive.
30. "Guess my drink order, and I'll guess yours."
Everyone enjoys a good two-way guessing game. If you don't drink, simply substitute "coffee order," "bagel order," or whatever phrase feels right to you.
31. "Wait a minute, I need to learn a lot more about [Profile Detail]"
For an easy conversation starter, use a standout detail from their profile. "Starting off a message like this not only flatters the person receiving it, but also shows an attractive level of confidence," dating coach Alison Marie tells Bustle. You know what you want and aren't afraid to pursue it.
32. "Where Are We Going For Our First Vacation?"
"If one person's idea of an adventure is a camping trip and another person's idea of an adventure is travelling to different countries and staying in five star hotels, there may be little compatibility," Marie says. "However, if you bond over similar experiences and interests, this can help spark a connection and deepen conversation."
33. "What Does Your Ideal First Date Involve?"
"Getting an idea of someone's first date is a fun way to open the conversation and see what they like to do," Marie says. If you have similar answers, you'll have a simple plan for your first outing together.
According to Marie, this demonstrates both confidence and a mutual desire to connect. We've all seen how attached pet parents can become, so if you both have dogs, go for it!
35. “What Are You Most Passionate About?”
Marie suggests sending this message to get a sense of your match's personal values and see if they match yours. It's easy to bond over a mutual love of Rick and Morty on dating apps, but that doesn't exactly set you up for long-term success. Asking deep, meaningful questions like this right away will aid in weeding out matches who aren't a good fit.
There is no perfect opening line for dating apps, but having a few funny ones or good questions on hand can help. If you want to get a response, pay attention to details in their bio or ask questions. After all, dating is all about getting to know each other.