After Your Divorce, Here's How To Get What You Deserve

You may be suffering with common fallacies that make you feel unworthy if you're divorced and still feel guilty or

humiliated about asking for what you want. These four divorce myths may be preventing you from receiving what you

want, but they don't have to be.

Myth #1: It's selfish to ask for what you want in a divorce.

I'm not sure about you, but one of the messages I got as a kid was that mothers and wives should aspire to be saintly and unselfish. Divorce was out of the question. Growing up Catholic, I believe, also meant that the dreaded Catholic Guilt pervaded everything I did. We were taught from a young age that wanting anything for yourself was a sign of selfishness.When I was married, that toxicity was still present. Whether it was my own sense of guilt or the societal narratives that told me I needed to keep the house clean, have dinner on the table, and be ready and willing to have sex with my then-husband at all times, I remember feeling like if I ever said, "Why don't you make dinner?" or something along those lines, I'd be judged.

Myth #2: It's narcissistic to ask for what you want in a divorce.

It is not egotistical to advocate for oneself after a divorce. Someone may have tried to persuade you that asking for what you want is a bad idea. It's possible the individual was your ex. Or you may be a parent. Or someone you cared about. But just because they convinced you that asking for something was bad doesn't imply it was. After a divorce, asking for what you want without apologising is an act of bravery, not narcissism. It's allowing yourself to value yourself in the face of a world that may not value you. To those who would try to silence you, asking for what you want is the ultimate "F*ck You." And you have every right to tell them to f*ck off without apologising. Without having to feel guilty.

Myth #3: Divorce is simply too difficult.

It takes effort to ask for what you want without apologising or defending it to others. But that doesn't rule out the possibility. And now that you're divorced, you have the opportunity to reclaim your life. Consider a time when you did something you were afraid of or worried about. You succeeded no matter how difficult it was, whether it was taking a full course load in college (can I even remember my college days?! ), someone getting to work on time after dropping your children off at daycare when they were babies and you were a younger mother, or hell–navigating your divorce and dealing with the emotions and finances of that shit show.

Myth #4 about divorce: You don't deserve it.

Messages regarding your unworthiness were most likely influenced by harmful patriarchal ideas intended to make divorced women like you feel ashamed and unworthy. It doesn't matter if your parents encouraged you to "simply be satisfied with what you have," especially if you came from a large family with few finances. They were mistaken. It doesn't matter if society's message of "just be grateful" is going around in your thoughts, even if you know you aren't happy and know you deserve better. This is your moment, and you have the right to ask for what you want with confidence. Even if you're no longer married. Especially if you're feeling guilty or ashamed following your divorce. Now is the time to ask for what you desire. Because you are deserving of it.