Here are the 13 Text Messages to Send to Someone Who Is Having a Bad Day
Giving a distressed friend a loving embrace, buying a round at your favourite dive bar, or sending them a heartfelt message are all ways to comfort them. And, because we can't always be by our bestie's side, knowing a few texts to send someone who is having a bad day can help you support your loved ones when you can't be there in person. Whether your best friend is having trouble working from home or arguing with their significant other, being there for the people in your life can make even the worst days feel a little bit easier.
According to friendship expert and We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships author Friends can provide emotional, tangible, informational, and companionate support in four ways, according to Kat Vellos. "Emotional support looks like showing someone love, affection, caring, empathy, words of affirmation, and other interactions that elicit all the warm and fuzzy feelings," Vellostells Bustle. Tangible support is concrete and direct, such as giving a physical object or money via Venmo to a friend to purchase a coffee. "Think about ordering a delicious meal and having it delivered to them, or dropping off a home-cooked meal at their door," Vellos says.
Giving advice, recommendations, and useful research on a topic for a friend falls under informational support, which should be done only when specifically requested. The final category, companionate support, is "about being present with someone in a way that helps them feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, such as simply being together when you know they're having a hard day," according to Vellos.
Making an effort to connect even when you're not together can serve as a reminder to your bestie that they are not alone. "When you reach out," Vellos says, "you can offer your friend a few ideas for support from these different categories." "Or, if you know them really well, be proactive and just do what you know will matter the most to them."
From movie recommendations to extra compliments, here are 13 expert-backed texts to send to someone who is having a bad day — because, let's face it, we all have bad days now and then, but any day can be made better by receiving a sweet message from your best friend.
1. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Want to FaceTime or call?
Expressing your regret that they are having a bad day and offering to speak on the phone can be an excellent way to provide support from a distance. According to Vellos, this message is "short, sweet, [and] supportive." Though your friend may need some time to unwind, letting them know you're available to chat in real time is always a thoughtful gesture — just be prepared to give them your undivided attention for however long they require it.
Keep your preferred method of communication in mind depending on the situation and your friend's preferences. "If someone is in a truly abysmal state, answering 'How are you?' ' over text message can feel impossible, because the full answer would be difficult to fit into something SMS-length, and truncating your truth can feel like self-erasure," Vellossays. In some cases, offering a phone call or FaceTime session is far more appropriate.
When someone you care about is going through a difficult time, your first instinct may be to wish them well. While you may be coming from a good place, the #goodvibesonly mentality can be dismissive to some people. Recognizing someone's emotions and validating that their day was difficult creates space for them and allows them to feel seen and heard.
You may also be tempted to ask the standard "How are you feeling?" question, but according to Vellos, that question can be difficult to answer at times. "Cultural norms demand a single, short, positive response, such as 'fine,' 'good,' or 'OK,'" she explains. "The question 'How are you?' also implies that the other person needs to explain themselves to you, even if they do not feel ready or capable of doing so." Instead, validate their feelings and what they're going through.
3. I want to support you in any way that would feel best for you. Take your pick: I’m happy to do X, Y, Z, or anything else that would feel good for you.
According to Vellos, this is a more polite version of the (still polite) response, "Let me know if there's anything I can do." "The disadvantage of this approach is that it puts the work on the person who needs the help: they must come up with a way to help and then assign that task to you," she explains. That can be draining emotionally. "That amount of effort can be overwhelming if they're already in a really low place," Vellossays. "Many people already believe that asking for help is difficult."
Although you may want to immediately fix everything and mend your friend's broken spirit, asking what you can do to support someone allows them to take the next step, and providing some potential options relieves them of the burden. Perhaps they'd like to talk on the phone. Perhaps they'd like to go for a walk. They might simply want a night to themselves. Put the ball in their court and let them know you're there to help them in any way they need it.
4. Thinking of you, know that I'm here! ❤️
“It's comforting to know that someone else is thinking about and caring about you, and that you're available to them without feeling obligated," Vellos says. When someone is having a bad day, simply letting them know you're thinking of them can make them feel less alone. Remind them that you care about them and that you are available to assist them if they so desire.
"However, if your friend is really down, consider leaving out the shouty exclamation point and just closing with a heart emoji," she adds. You are the best person to know your friend and their situation, so make sure to convey the appropriate emotions even over text.
5. Do you want to talk about it?
While some people prefer to express their emotions verbally, others may prefer not to — at least not yet. When you ask if someone wants to talk more about their bad day, you give them the opportunity to direct the conversation and decide how much they want to share. "Open-ended questions like this — where the options are yes, no, or "maybe but not right now" — are gold," says Vellos. "Regardless of your friend's response, make sure to convey acceptance." There is no wrong answer to a question like this, and it's important to reassure someone of that."
6. Do you want my advice or do you want me just to listen? Happy to do either or both!
Sometimes your friends and family will seek your wise counsel in a given situation. Sometimes they just want to yell. Rather than bombarding someone with unsolicited advice, try asking them what they want from you right now as a friend. This message, according to Vellos, is brilliant. "Too often, we rush to give advice when someone simply wants to be heard," she says. "One of the most compassionate ways to show up is to ask for your friend's boundaries and wishes."
7. Can't wait to hang out in person again. We can get Thai food and watch a Timothée Chalametmovie.
Sharing all of the exciting things you have planned for the next time you see each other can be a great way to cheer someone up after a bad day. Just keep in mind that, as Vellospoints out, "this is only a good fit if you know your friend hopes for something similar." Otherwise, "this type of message may elicit a 'Oh no, how am I going to get out of this?' reaction on the other side."
If you need something to do right away, offer to do a DIY spa day or watch a movie together on FaceTime. But keep in mind that you don't want to add to your friend's stress by making your offer sound forced. "Don't add to your friend's anxiety," Vellos advises. "Demonstrate that you are mindful of their preferences and concerns."
A bad day can be the best time to shower someone with extra love, especially if you know your bestie enjoys a good compliment now and then. "Some people love getting compliments like this," Vellos says, "while they can make other people uncomfortable."
If your friend, on the other hand, is all about being showered with love, remind them of what you admire about them and how grateful you are to know them. Choose specific details over generalised positive affirmations to make it more heartfelt. "One tricky thing about compliments like this where we share our evaluation of the other person is that it makes us the judge of them (even if that judgement is positive) — and comments like this can sometimes sound hollow because we don't include specific details," Vellos says.
9. I’ve seen you overcome past challenges by being true to yourself and honouring your needs and feelings. I know that you can do the same thing again.
According to Vellos, this text is similar to the previous option in that it provides support without evaluating it. Sending this message will go a long way if you know your bestie responds well to words of encouragement mixed with meaningful compliments. Sometimes all a person needs to get through a difficult situation is a reminder that they've done it before and can do it again, with you cheering them on regardless of what they decide to do. Giving support and "checking in on your friends when they're feeling down," as Vellos puts it, is a small but thoughtful step toward being a good friend.
10. Have a coffee on me (check your Venmo 👀)!
This is the textual equivalent of tangible support, in which you give your friend something tangible, such as a gift or service. If you know they enjoy their neighbourhood cafe, consider sending them a few dollars to cover the cost of a latte. Alternatively, you could order their favourite meal through Postmates, or send a surprise succulent basket to a plant-lover friend. Small gestures tailored to your friend to show you care will go a long way.
"The most important thing is to let your friend know they're not alone," Vellos says, "while not adding to the burdens they're carrying." "To go the extra mile, consider what would make your friend smile or what you're sure they wish someone would do for them — magically and without prompting — and then do that thing."
11. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you and sending you love. Please don’t feel any pressure to reply, but just know that I’m here for you.
According to Vellos, this strikes the right balance of being empathetic, open, and low-pressure. "Checking in with friends reassures them that they haven't been forgotten," she explains. "It shows them that they are loved and cared for, and that there is genuine support available to them."
Sending a message of encouragement to a friend who is having a bad day is all about giving them the freedom to choose how they want your assistance — if they want it at all! It's enough to know that it's there for them if they need it.
12. I’m around in the evenings this week and through the weekend if you want to talk/vent, hang out and read quietly together, watch reality TV, go for a walk, or anything else your heart desires. Just say the word.
This text also puts the ball in their court without putting them under any pressure. Offering specific things you can do for and with your bestie relieves them of the burden of having to think of things that will make them feel better. Even if they don't take any of your suggestions, the perception of different options and the thoughtfulness of your message will lift their spirits. "Getting help when we need it improves our mental and emotional health," Vellos says. "It boosts our resilience, self-esteem, sense of belonging, and even our immune system."
13. You don't have to have all the answers right now. We'll figure it out later!
Expressing that there is no rush to solve everything reminds them that it is fine to simply breathe and feel their emotions. "This reminds me of one of the most helpful reminders I ever received from my therapist, which was, 'You don't have to do anything about this right now,'" Vellos says. "Reminding someone that there is no need to feel rushed is a very supportive way to relieve any stress they may be feeling."
Vellos suggests another way to express this sentiment: "If you want a sounding board as you consider your options, I gotchu." Simply say the word."
The most important thing to remember when deciding what to say to someone who is having a bad day is to consider what that person would prefer. There are numerous ways to show your support, so tailoring your response to your bestie's personality and emotions is the best way to send your love.