How To Follow Your Heart After A Divorce, According To A Divorce Recovery Coach
However, if you're like the majority of divorced women, you're probably still trapped in the same rut. The same unsatisfactory task. Still sifting through the same dreary online dating profiles.
You're hoping for things to improve in your life, but nothing seems to be happening.
You're starting to question if it's just you. Is it your responsibility that you don't trust your gut?
And as the months and years pass since your divorce, you begin to have doubts about yourself.
Is it just that you're a slacker?
Or are you a coward?
Is this how you're supposed to live your life? For the next few decades, are we just going through the motions?
Are you ever going to feel fulfilled again?
If you're afraid and panicking right now, I've got some excellent news for you.
It isn't your fault that you are trapped. And you have the power to break free, to follow your heart, and to begin living the life of your dreams.
There are three hidden obstacles that are currently preventing you from following your heart. And once you've broken through those obstacles, you'll be unstoppable.
Society will make every effort to prevent you from succeeding.
You will be told that you "can't" do it by our toxic work-obsessed society/Puritanical work ethic.
There are many aspects of our society and culture that I admire. I think it's fantastic that we came up with Netflix. And that a superb '80s station can be found almost anywhere in the United States.
However, there is a shitload of crap in our culture. And we see it in the workplace with divorced women.
Let's face it: we live in a work-obsessed society. We can't seem to get rid of our Puritanical work ethic. And it's because of that mindset that we "can't" do it. We're made to feel bad if we want to follow our hearts and live our lives instead of being a workaholic, answering emails at 11:30 p.m. and responding to our bosses at the drop of a hat.
When it comes to following your heart, our work culture and society tells us that leaving a well-paying job would be unprofessional.
We're labelled as floozy hippies if we follow our hearts, especially if doing so means quitting our careers.
Have you encountered this roadblock while attempting to follow your heart after a divorce?
I understand. I abandoned my high-paying work in the defence sector a year after my divorce in 2012 to travel solo through Asia and Russia. It was something I had wished for for years, long before I had married and life had intervened.
But you wouldn't believe the backlash I received. People at my workplace tried to persuade me to stay, even though I knew they didn't like their employment.
Friends who despised their jobs attempted to persuade me not to undertake "something so insane."
Well-intentioned family members worried that I'd "lost my path" since I wanted to follow my heart after years of grinding their teeth in jobs they despised.
Your own self-doubt will try to keep you from succeeding.
When it comes to following your heart after a divorce, we are frequently our own worst adversary.
Most of us grew up in a damaged, poisonous, patriarchal environment that made us doubt ourselves and feel self- conscious even before we realised what those words meant.
I recall doubting myself when I was a child.
"I shouldn't yell out the solution, even though the teacher encourages us to," I recall thinking, "since the other students will make fun of my lisp."
"I shouldn't try to ride my bike without training wheels again, or else I'll fall and my siblings will tease me," or "I shouldn't try to ride my bike without training wheels again, or else I'll fall and my siblings will mock me."
"I shouldn't say if I don't like anything (like how someone was bullying me) because the instructor or my parents will think it's my fault," I remember thinking as a child in my never-ending efforts to please others.
Have you ever had any doubts about your marriage? Especially if you were married to a narcissist, cheater, or general jerk.
Those events may have fueled your self-doubt to the point where you doubt yourself even if you're divorced, professionally successful, and have wonderful friends. As a result, it's a significant impediment to following your heart.
"You shouldn't follow your heart," that nagging voice may say when you try to do something brave, gutsy, and courageous. The last time you followed your heart and married, it didn't work out and you ended up divorced."
Self-doubt can prevent you from following your heart's desires.
It has the potential to prevent you from using your intuition.
Until now, that is.
Self-doubt has no place in your life after a divorce.
While they most likely stood by your side and offered a shoulder to cry on through the toughest days of your divorce, some of their unsolicited advise as you try to move on can be incredibly upsetting.
In my family, divorce was uncommon. I grew up in one of those large, conservative Catholic families where guilt and humiliation were a way of life. And, despite the fact that I had family members who provided me with a lot of emotional support during the most trying days of my divorce, I discovered after it was over that they still wanted to maintain my image as the sorrowful divorcee seeking penance and forgiveness.
Sources:
http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.170.795
https://www.rei.com/learn/expert-advice/teach-child-to-ride-a-bike.html
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline