What 11 Common Sex Dreams Mean?According To Experts
Whether you believe it or not, many people believe their dreams have a deeper meaning than what they appear to be on the surface — they could represent unresolved emotions that need to be addressed or hidden desires that have yet to manifest. When you have a sex dream, you are more likely to pay attention to it. If you wake up after having a sex dream about your partner cheating on you or being in bed with a celebrity, experts say it could be a message from your subconscious.
After all, it's difficult to be completely honest with yourself in your hectic daily life... or simply to notice smaller, simple truths about how you're feeling beneath the surface. That is why dream analysis can be so beneficial, particularly in determining the meaning of a dream about having sex.
Inner thoughts can escape when you're dozing off alone in bed. If you have a sex dream, it could indicate that you are seeking external desires or answers to a relationship question. Here are eleven different kinds of sex dreams you might have (they're actually quite common). Instead of dismissing them, give them some thought and figure out what they're trying to tell you.
1. A Sex Dream Where You Or Your Partner Is Cheating
If you awaken from a dream (or nightmare) that your partner is cheating on you, you should pay attention. If you imagine your partner cheating, it could mean you're insecure in your relationship, according to Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a professional dream analyst and author of the book Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life.
Though these dreams may be the result of picking up on subtle hints that your partner is cheating, they do not guarantee that something is going on behind your back. Most of the time, they're just your brain's way of telling you that it's time to talk about the subject. You should be able to feel more secure by sitting down with your partner and talking about your concerns, or even directly explaining your dream to them.
If you are the one who is cheating in your dream, it does not necessarily imply that you are unhappy in your relationship (although it could). "Just because you fantasise about cheating on your significant other doesn't mean you will," Chris Brantner, Certified Sleep Science Coach at SleepZoo.com, previously told Bustle. "It doesn't necessarily imply that you've considered it. You have nothing to be ashamed of — assuming you haven't been cheating!" Use this experience to investigate what you like about your relationship and what might be missing that is causing you to fantasise about someone else.
2. Dreaming Of Dominating Someone or Being Dominated
Any dreams about control issues (being extra dominant or desiring aggression), according to Cadyn Cathers, MA, a psychological assistant, can be symbolic of other control issues in your life. Consider your job, your relationship, and how you feel in your daily life.
These kinds of sex dreams may be more common if you don't speak up at work, for example. The good news is that you can take advantage of them. Allow the dream to motivate you to ask for what you require during the day.
3. A Dream About Sleeping With Someone "Inappropriate"
A fling with your partner's sibling? A coworker, perhaps? What is a best friend? These may appear to be inappropriate people to fantasise about because your relationships with them should not be sexual in nature. So, what does it mean if your sleeping brain conjures up these images in the first place?
"It is your mind's way of releasing the feeling, the temptation, validating it, and processing it appropriately," says licenced clinical psychologist Dr. Nancy Irwin, PsyD, CHt. To delve deeper, ask yourself, "What is the parallel of this image/object/person/event in my life right now?" According to Irwin, your mind's job is to make associations, connect the dots, and make sense of the world.
Dreaming about having sex with a BFF or coworker does not imply that you want to sleep with them in real life, and there is no need to feel guilty about it. "There is no such thing as a 'inappropriate' dream," Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish previously told Bustle. "For example, if you dream about someone who is married and off-limits, it doesn't necessarily mean you want that person." It could simply indicate that you have a close relationship with them and feel a connection with them.
4. A Sex Dream Where You’re Not Performing Well
While anyone can have dreams about not performing well in bed, people who identify as male are more likely to feel impotent and insecure in their dreams. "If a man dreams about having erectile dysfunction, it may reflect that he is feeling weak or powerless in another area of his life at the time of the dream... it is not necessarily a literal reflection of his sexual performance," Irwin explains.
In any case, dreaming that you're not performing well in bed is worth investigating further to determine what's causing it. A licenced sex therapist can assist you in working through these emotions and gaining confidence in yourself and your sex life.
5. Having Sex In A Dream In Public
It's not as simple as you might think to fantasise about having sex in a car or in the woods. "This isn't about your desire to be an exhibitionist," explains Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, a psychologist and ABS certified clinical sexologist to Bustle. "Rather, this type of dream is associated with feeling vulnerable, self-conscious, and exposed in front of others."
Examine what's going on in your waking life once more, and see if you can connect the dots. "You may be afraid that something embarrassing or secretive will be revealed, or that others will judge you about something," Milrad says, and this fear may manifest itself in a sexual dream.
6. Having Sex With An Ex In A Dream
Depending on your ex, this could be a good dream or a nightmare. However, in both cases, it can be quite perplexing. "Sometimes your ex appears in your dreams, and you wonder if it's a sign that they are your soulmate and you should reconsider your breakup," Milrad says. But, thankfully, the truth is frequently much simpler.
"They are most likely in your subconscious because you have had some reminder of them in your life," Milrad says. Perhaps you stumbled upon one of their TikToks by chance or are approaching a date that used to be significant to the two of you, such as an anniversary. And your ex is now residing in your subconscious.
In most cases, you should be able to brush it off and forget about them. "If you find your ex has a starring role in your thoughts," Milrad says, "it may reflect something more, and you should take some time to investigate what that is about."
7. Having Dream Sex With Someone Famous
Do you have wild fantasies about hooking up with your favourite celebrity? "Of course, you're attracted to this person and may have used their image as a fantasy during sexual experiences," Milrad says. "However, when they appear as your sexual partner in your dream, it isn't just another layer of having a crush on them."
Surprisingly, she claims that "most often, dreams about having sex with someone famous reflect your desire to feel special, important in the world, and have people take notice of you." "This could be due to feeling the opposite in your day-to-day life." Take the time to ensure that your needs are met by reaching out to friends, talking with a partner, and doing plenty of things that make you feel seen and supported.
8. Aggressive Sex In A Dream
Dreams about violence or even abuse are obviously distressing. "If you are sexually violated or abused in a dream, it is worth considering whether something similar has ever happened in waking life," Kezia Vida, a dream worker and relationship expert, tells Bustle. "Seek help if you are concerned that you may be recovering from a traumatic memory." If you are a victim of domestic violence, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233), or go to thehotline.org.
Even if you can't immediately identify the event that triggered the dream, consider what it might be saying about your current situation. "Often, dreams will reflect sexual trauma that we have experienced in an effort to help us process," Vida says, adding that "even if you are certain that this violation did not occur in your current life, it can be helpful to understand your dream experience as a wound you are carrying." Speaking with a professional can assist you in processing all of this in a safe and affirming environment.
9. Mind-Blowing AF Dream Sex
Beyond how sexy they appear on the surface, dreams about toe-curling, super amazing sex — the kind that has the potential to give you an orgasm while you sleep — are worth investigating further. "These dreams can be a powerful meditation, especially if you're having difficulty accessing your desire in waking life," Vida says.
Also, keep in mind that whatever you feel in a dream may be something you'd like to feel in real life, such as mind-blowing sex. Consider exploring how to achieve that level of ecstasy while awake, suggests Vida. These dreams may inspire you to try something new with a partner or to be brave enough to request something new in bed.
If you have any of these sex dreams, especially if they are troubling you, talk to a therapist or professional to get some answers and start the healing process. Let your really good dreams inspire you to spice up your sex life so you can live out your fantasies in real life.
10. Having Group Sex In A Dream
Dreaming about group sex is common, even if it's something you've never done in real life. Having dreams of group sex, according to Annie Armstrong Miyao, a psychotherapist and licenced marriage and family therapist, isn't necessarily sexual; it can represent our creativity and passion for life. If you feel excited and curious during the dream, this could represent your desire for community. "The dream could be expressing how you feel about expressing yourself and connecting in larger circles, or it could be speaking to a need for collaboration," Armstrong Miyao said.
Humans are social creatures, so if you're having sex with a group of people, it could be a sign that you need to get out there and meet new people.
11. A Sex Dream Where You Can’t Have Sex
Occasionally, you may have a dream in which you are turned and ready to have sex, but for some reason, you are unable to seal the deal and engage in sexual activity. This could be a sign that there is something in our lives that we are struggling to reconcile.
According to Amstrong Miyao, it may be helpful in the case of dreams like this to think about the other person in the dream and ask yourself a few questions about them to help you fully understand what's going on. "What does this person represent to me?" or "What character traits do they have?" These questions may help you identify if there is something in your life that you are passionate about but are unable to fully engage in. "Be curious about the dream and see if there is a way to follow through in real life on whatever open-ended longing may be present," Armstrong Miyao advises.