How to get over a relationship breakup: letting go off your ex?
There's no way around it: Breakups are terrible, even if they're handled with compassion. It can shake you to your very foundation, making you doubt your faith in love and your confidence in it. If you've been broken up with, you're dealing with the very real pain of rejection on top of mourning a lost love. When you choose to end things, guilt swirls into your sadness. In a culture that emphasizes "forever" as a relationship goal, endings are made to feel like failures, even when they are mutual and amicable.
Breakups are often the beginning of a new and better life (one that can eventually include a relationship with someone you are more compatible with). However, in those first few brutal days and weeks, you have every right to feel depressed. Eventually, you will be able to move on. Here are ways to feel better fast.
Discard haunted objects
You can't rewrite history or erase all memories of your ex. However, you can minimize the things in your immediate environment that remind you of them, as well as settings and people who disturb your equilibrium.
Instead of avoiding your old haunts, create new memories in the places where you and your ex used to go together, such as the restaurant you went to together or the park where you used to run. Visit those places with friends, family, or by yourself with a good book or podcast.
It may be a good idea to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex in your house, car, and office: photos, mementos, and items that re-stimulate old wounds. Alternatively, you can hold a yard sale, sell items on Craigslist, or donate them to charity.
Find positive ways to release emotions
A surplus of emotions about your ex will weigh you down as you search for a new partner.
You can release these emotions in constructive ways by exercising, spending time with friends and family, volunteering (a great way to get out of your head), or being creative and expressing yourself through art, writing, or music.
Feeling angry? In a letter "to" your ex, express your feelings. But don't send it! Instead, read it to a therapist, burn it, or dispose of it.
No matter why you broke up, don't take all the blame. Blame the relationship or situation, not yourself or your ex.
To change your perspective on why the relationship ended, use language such as, "We weren't right for each other..." or "We had very different goals and dreams for the future." By changing your perspective on why the relationship ended, you will also change your emotions.
Tell a loved one your story
When you carry old wounds, you behave in the present as if the relationship or situation still exists. It is also possible to date someone similar to your ex (and shares the same traits that didn't work for you).
Have an empathic friend listen to your entire story, starting from when things went wrong through your feelings and the current situation today. In addition to helping you feel better, sharing your story gives you perspective, which speeds up the healing process.
You might not remember all the problems in your previous relationship (or your ex's faults), but your friend surely does. You might be surprised at how you feel after you’ve talked things through with them.
You can't let past hurts linger if you want to find a new love partner in your life. Use the above strategies to help you come to a neutral conclusion about your ex.
For those of you who feel distressed, angry, sad, or as if the past prevents you from moving on, I encourage you to seek out a therapist or another mental health resource. When you look at behaviours and attitudes from another person's perspective, you can identify which are remnants of your past.