What is Mom Burnout?
Many mothers experience burnout when their emotional and mental reserves have been depleted. The feeling of "I can't handle this anymore" or deep frustration when one stressful situation follows another, pushing a mother's patience to the limit. Burnout can result in depression, anxiety, and feeling "checked out" from parenting and even life.
If you have ever found yourself repeatedly yelling, “Sit down and eat!eat!eat! !” or something similar, you may know what mom burnout feels like. Even though occasionally losing your patience with your child doesn't necessarily mean you're burnt out, if this is a regular occurrence, it might mean you are.What is mom burnout, how do you tell if you're experiencing it, and how do you resolve it? Now let's explore these questions so you can feel at peace and confident in your parenting once more.
What is Mom Burnout?
Western society has high expectations for how mothers are "supposed" to perform their motherly duties. Over the last decades of the twentieth century, more and more women began to have careers as well, so their list grew even longer.Nowadays, moms are expected to have a thriving career, a couple of well-behaved children, a clean, classy home, and the ability to run their entire lives with grace. No less is seen as a failure, and mothers beat themselves up for not meeting or exceeding social expectations.
As this study on mother burnout found, this can have profound negative consequences for both mother and family.
Many moms work all day, then come home to take their kids to various activities, clean the house, make dinner, do laundry, assist with homework, clean some more, and get everyone tucked in for the evening.
They wake up the next morning to do it all over again.
Their lives are often overscheduled, with a focus on meeting others' needs rather than their own. Even if they have little time for themselves, they tend to feel guilty if they are not being productive. Rest and relaxation are foreign concepts to many mothers.
A hectic life like that leads straight to burnout. It can be difficult for moms to know how to prevent burnout, whether they are experiencing it or not, and what to do if it does occur.
What Causes Mom Burnout?
Almost every mother has experienced burnout at some point during their parenting journey, even if they live in different circumstances. The main cause of mom burnout is mothers who have way too much on their plates and not enough time for self-care.Taking care of a child is a full-time job with high demands. Obviously, some mothers have more stress than others, but all moms have to deal with challenging kids, middle-of-the-night sleep interruptions, and worrying about the development of their children.
Mothers who work must juggle the demands of their jobs with the demands of their families when they return home. They may spend the evening worrying about a big project at work while also worrying about their child's performance at school.
A high-stress career such as nursing or teaching may increase the risk of burnout.
Single mothers have the added burden of being the only caregiver in the home, which means they rarely get a break from parenting. They are on as the protector, nurturer, and childcare provider 24/7 without any help from others-very stressed!
In addition to homeschooling, moms who are very involved with their children can also have a lot on their plates because they are constantly with them and are responsible for helping them become the people they hope they will become. The mother's identity may become too intertwined with her role as a mother, causing some to struggle.
There is a difference between true burnout and everyday stress. Stress is part of life and, usually, we can deal with it even if it is hard sometimes. Burnout is the result of repeated stress for a long period that is too much to handle. Burnout results when the tolerance for all that stress breaks.
Warning Signs of Mom Burnout
As each mother is unique, she will experience burnout differently. Therefore, there are a few signs and symptoms you can look for to determine if you are experiencing burnout or not.If you pay attention to these signs in the early stages, you can help to prevent chronic burnout from becoming more serious. Be aware and seek help as soon as possible!
Emotional Signs
· Feeling depressed or sad.
· Feel like you don't want to participate in social gatherings or mom's groups.
· Avoid activities you used to enjoy.
· Lacking patience with your children.
· Feeling emotionally exhausted and unable to engage.
· Numb or jaded.
· Uninspired by projects and activities that used to make you happy.
· Need some peace and quiet.
Physical Signs
· Even when you've slept enough, you're exhausted.
· Eating too much or too little.
· Sleeping problems.
· Headaches.
· An increased sense of pain and tension in the body.
· Consuming too much caffeine to get going.
· Winding down your day with alcohol.
Behavioral Signs
· Avoid going out in public with children.
· Children are no longer excited about going out with you.
· Hide from your family.
· Escapism and excessive avoidance.
· No longer enjoying family adventures.
· Finding it difficult to leave work.
· Always grumpy and snappish.
· Thinking of running away.
The Best Ways to Prevent Mommy Burnout
Mothers in western society face the greatest challenge of not having enough community support. Mothers are expected to do it all for their children and their families. They have taken on multiple roles that were once performed by many community members, leaving them little time to tend to themselves.The most important thing you can do to prevent mom burnout is to make yourself a priority every single day. Though you might not get to do everything you want every day, ensuring that your needs are at the top of the list lets you make at least a few choices that feel nourishing.
If you want to take better care of yourself, you'll probably need help. You may need to ask family members to babysit your children from time to time. Set up your home life so that you have 20 uninterrupted minutes alone every morning. You might need to ask your partner or spouse to contribute a little more. You might also need to relax your need to be in charge of everything and ask older kids to take on more responsibility.
Be clear about your needs with yourself, with your children, and with your partner. By watching and listening to you, your children will learn how important it is for them to practice self-care and respect your need for space.
Learning when to say no is also important. You might feel like you have to say "yes" to every request made of your time. However, your time deserves respect. Decide on your activity and energy boundaries (especially when it comes to people outside of your family), then stick to them. Don't give in to guilt - your boundaries matter!
Consider whether it's so important for your kids to be involved in every single activity under the sun. If they don't learn three foreign languages as a child, they're likely to grow up to be amazing adults with loving parents. Children need as much downtime as their parents do. Everyone benefits from downtime.
The Best Ways to Deal with Parental Burnout if You Already Have It
Burnout should be addressed immediately if you are already suffering from it. Your health and the well-being of your family will be at risk if you don't.
No one is happy if mom isn't happy.
1. Find the Help You Need
Be sure to enlist the help of your family, friends, and community.Find out if your daycare providers can provide a little more time for a while. Take the kids to the park once or twice a week with your mom. Make babysitting trades with other mothers so you can all get some alone time and a break.
2. Let Go of Being a Perfectionist
Reduce your expectations of what can be accomplished. Make dinner and meals simple. Don't feel guilty if your kids spend a little more time on screens. Help your children understand that you're not feeling well and need a lot of gentle kindness.Practice mindfulness and let go of unrealistic expectations. To be a good mom, you don't have to be a supermom.
3. Be a Good Example for Your Kids and Show Up for Yourself
Ensure that you have the time to heal and care for yourself.Consult a therapist, life coach, or wellness coach. Find out what you need to do to make things better for yourself. Set aside some time for a date night with your partner or to spend time with your best friend, or just spend some alone time to center yourself.
Be the warm, loving mother that you desire by prioritizing your needs and mental health. Give yourself love first.
4. Give Yourself the Gift of a Career-Focused on Well-Being
Changing your career path may be necessary if your current job or career is demanding without giving you the flexibility and nourishment you need as a mother.You should feel financially secure, while also being able to tailor your work schedule to meet your needs.
Motherhood is an exhausting, thankless job that asks you to sacrifice yourself to the point of burnout. But it doesn't have to be this way. A mother doesn't have to burn out. Mothers should prioritize their well-being and self-care.
If it’s time to focus on your wellness and learn how to also teach well-being to others