Body changes, periods and puberty: Tips for single dads with daughters

 
While it may seem obvious to some, research has shown that fathers are just as important as mothers in their children's development and well-being.
 
Paternal presence, it is argued, aids children's cognitive development, eliminates the need for compensatory masculine attention, and ensures strict relationship rules for daughters of the opposite sex.
 
Dr. Sibusiso Mkwananzi told News24 that "validation of the girl child from a male parent has a lasting impression on her value and raises confidence levels."
 
Dr. Mkwananzi, a demographer and senior researcher at UNISA's Institute of Gender Studies, completed an undergraduate degree in dentistry and offers insights to fathers raising daughters based on her knowledge as a health practitioner.
 
Understand age-appropriate talks
"It is critical for parents, regardless of gender, to understand that simple and casual age-appropriate discussions about sexuality and reproductive hygiene are essential with their children from as early an age as possible," Dr. Mkwananzi emphasises.
 
"Parents should begin talking to their children about boundaries as early as age two," she adds.
 
According to Dr. Mkwananzi, parents should teach their children when it is appropriate to be naked, who can touch their body and when it is not, and that the child can refuse this attention - and who they can report it to.
 
She adds that such discussions could be reinforced by allowing children as young as three to wash their private parts and reminding them that only they should touch these parts, which is why they must clean themselves there.
 
Alert the child of the body changes
According to Dr. Mkwananzi, it is critical to inform the child that their body will change before they begin showing signs of puberty, and that when this occurs, it should not alarm or scare them because it is normal and has happened to everyone around them.
 
She suggests that fathers use examples from their daughters' surroundings, such as aunts, older cousins, or other older girls and women, to reassure their daughters that this is normal.
 
"Part of these changes will be that their bodies will be able to prepare themselves to have a baby, and if a baby is not made, then the lining prepared for baby is shed, and this comes out of one's vagina, or another more subtle term that the child is already used to the parent using to refer to their private parts," Dr Mkwananzi explained.
 
She believes that parents should reassure their children that this is a beautiful and normal part of growing up.
 
Parents can tell their children that if something like this happens at home, they should be prepared and have something ready for the child to collect the blood.
 
Excuse yourself from class
Dr. Mkwananzi advises parents to tell their children what to do if their period arrives while they are at school and things become more complicated.
 
According to Dr. Mkwananzi, parents must also teach their children that if this occurs at school or in public, they must notify the nearest teacher and not be embarrassed if they bleed onto their school dress or skirt.
 
She suggests that they explain to their child that at this point, they should tie a jersey around their waist, excuse themselves from class, and seek assistance from the teacher because their period has begun.
 
"In addition, many young girls suffer from period pains, so the parent should explain that if the pain occurs, the child should take some pain relievers."
 
"The conversation should be concluded by allowing the child to ask any questions and reassuring the child that they are loved and accepted exactly as they are and that they have done nothing wrong for this to happen to them," Dr Mkwananzi adds.
 
Mothers who want to start talking about periods with their daughters should follow the advice above. However, she claims that the mother would refer to herself and other older girls and women who had gone through similar body changes.
 
"Regardless of the age of their daughters, it is critical for fathers to become comfortable with periods and period hygiene for themselves," says Dr. Mkwananzi.
 
Normalise hygiene conversations
Dr. Mkwananzi believes that fathers must first normalise the concept of reproductive hygiene in order for such discussions to be less intimidating.
 
"As a result, fathers must recognise the importance of discussing sexuality, contraception, relationships with males, and other reproductive issues with their daughters in a simple, non-judgmental manner," Dr Mkwananzi adds.
 
Dr. Mkwananzi suggests that, in preparation for the first period, the father inform his daughter, during period discussions, that she will need to start buying pads or tampons.
 
These will be kept in the pantry or storage cupboard with the other toiletries, so that whenever she starts her period, she can go to the pantry and get what she needs.
 
"Later on, when she is older and perhaps has her own allowance or is purchased toiletries every month, pads can be included in the monthly toiletries purchased for her without her having to ask or be embarrassed," Dr Mkwananzi says.
 
She claims that by doing so, period hygiene becomes a regular part of your child's growing up, just like buying soap or roll-on.
 
Dads should also encourage their daughters to experiment with different methods of period hygiene and inform them that if they want to try something new, they should talk to them about it.
 
Dealing with pain
Dr. Mkwananzi advises parents to keep a steady supply of pain relievers in the medicine cabinet if their child suffers from period pains on a regular basis.
 
However, there are some natural ways to alleviate this pain, such as drinking ginger tea, placing a hot water bottle on one's stomach, and soaking in a hot bath. These methods, however, work better for some people than for others.
 
According to Dr. Mkwananzi, it is critical to emphasise to a child that the pain does not worsen over time, which may indicate endometriosis. If the pain worsens, they should see a doctor.
 
Any pain that worsens to the point of vomiting or the inability to walk or function during one's period should be evaluated by a gynaecologist right away.
 
Late education and its consequences
Dr. Mkwananzi promotes progressive discussions about sexuality, how babies are made, relationships, love, and reproductive health in general from a young age.
 
Part of the reason is to combat teenage pregnancy, as Dr.Mkwananzi cites research indicating that teenagers living in single-parented households are more likely to become pregnant due to lower levels of sexual communication and guidance from their parents.
 
Dr. Mkwananzi claims that discussions about sexuality, how babies are made, relationships, love, and reproductive health are linked, and that an inability to discuss sexual matters openly and freely will likely lead to discussions about periods and personal hygiene being avoided.
 
Furthermore, this avoidance may leave a girl child unprepared for the start of her period.
 
"Girls are said to start having periods as young as six years old these days." This is because many young girls are slightly overweight, and also because many of the foods we eat these days contain hormones, which accelerates the developmental process," adds Dr Mkwananzi.
 
"This is also evidenced by the fact that the age of pregnancy among young girls is lower." In some of my underage pregnancy studies, I've discovered girls as young as 10 years old who are pregnant and have babies."
 
"That is why I recommend that girls be spoken to at the age of eight, and that casual preparatory talks take place even earlier. If a girl feels free to approach their parent about anything they don't understand, chances are she will be able to approach that parent when something confusing or worrying occurs "Dr.Mkwananzi says
 
Tell us about the most difficult conversation you've had with your child as a single father raising girls.