Have you ever felt that you are never heard in your relationship ? It is the right time to connect
The other day, I got a call from a woman in the office. She wanted to start couple therapy with her 10-year-old husband. When she asked what was happening, she quickly realized that when the couple talked, things got hot and quarreled. She wants to work on the communication skills she is trying to use. You will receive regular such calls from people who are suffering from marriage or relationships. Eight out of ten couples calling me for treatment are seeking help in communication. Most self-help books, and even many professionals, will tell you that the key to a better relationship is good communication. Solid and sound communication is essential in any relationship as it is the path to intimacy. When we talk and share our feelings, we feel familiar with others and our needs are often met. But speaking is only half the battle for good communication. Listen to the other half. Communication is meaningless without good listening skills. As a human being, you have a deep desire to be heard. It started when you were a baby and your caregiver had to hear the cry of your support. An important part of this early dynamics is what you heard, not what the caregiver did or said in response to your communication. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner just to find distractions and defenses. Being vulnerable, expressing your innermost needs and desires can be scary. If you encounter resistance or feel that you have never heard of it, you may be abandoned or embarrassed. Being asked tells you that your thoughts and feelings are important and opens the way to a deep sense of trust. Anyone can speak. Not everyone can hear it. How do you know what you are listening to? When trying to communicate with a partner, check for one of the following issues: It’s a problem because the partner is flipping the subject. You are said to be fooling yourself or overreacting. The reaction of your partner focuses on why he or she feels the same. Your partner leaves the room. As you’ve heard, the same problem will reoccur later. Not being a good listener can be due to some underlying problem, and it is important to understand these before fixing the problem. Don’t assume that your partner simply doesn’t want to hear you. The most common reason people can’t (or can’t) hear is to turn off their ability as a defense against experiencing discomfort. This can happen, for example, if you drive more points than you need and go home. In that case, your partner will need to turn off the power and stop listening, even if you intend to hear your voice. You only need to tell something once or twice for it to be heard. You can’t be a good listener because of some underlying problems, and it’s important to understand what they are before you fix them. Don’t assume that your partner simply doesn’t want to hear you. Sometimes a partner is overwhelmed by his feelings and causes him to switch off or stop listening. This happens when you are less tolerant of emotions or when you grow up in an environment that is constantly overwhelmed by the emotions of others. Timing can also create a great listening block. Trying to share what you have to say when your partner is walking the door after work or caring for a crying child is unproductive to be asked. The ‘s resentment can also affect your hearing skills, so make sure you hone your hearing skills before asking your partner to do the same. Finally, problems of anxiety, stress, and even attention deficit can cause a partner to suffer from hearing. Maintaining compassion and understanding of why your partner isn’t listening to you is the first step in improving this dynamics. At a more practical level than the , Imagotherapy focuses on listening and uses techniques that really help with the couple to increase intimacy. This is called “mirroring” and requires concentration and patience. It’s not a habit. If the conversation is easy to escalate, we recommend trying it outside the therapy room. If you can remain polite, you can begin the process of your partner listening to you and repeating what you said. The goal is accurate mirroring (hence the name “mirroring”). The challenge for a listening party is to resist, say, or react defensively. The listener’s only job is to repeat what he heard. Start with the following steps: Ask your partner if it’s a good time to talk about . If not, I agree to work time for both of you. Be concise when talking to your partner. Stay on the topic and tell us the important points. Pause between statements and ask your partner to repeat what you have heard. If correct, tell your partner and move on. If he or she misses it, say it again. Listen carefully and continue until you feel that your problem or concern has been resolved accurately. Then switch roles and ask your partner to respond or express your thoughts and feelings as a listener. If your partner is defensive, frustrated, or unable to do so, give up on the idea and consider contacting the therapist. Remember that listening is a skill that can be increased or decreased according to a person’s history and experience. Communicating effectively with your partner is an important part of your relationship puzzle, but don’t give up without giving your communication style the benefits of professional support and guidance.
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