5 Reasons You Keep Falling for People Who Don't Return Your Love
You
begin to believe that this time will be different. This must be love because
your sentiments caught you off guard. This is how it's supposed to go, you read
somewhere. Your emotions overtake you, but you're left heartbroken in the end.
You
continue to fall in love with people who do not reciprocate your feelings. If
you keep pursuing these relationships, you'll miss out on opportunities to
connect with individuals who care about your well-being. The entanglement, in
the end, does more harm than good. The beauty of this is that you're a romantic
at heart and can make a difference in people's lives through your love. Our
affection isn't always reciprocated. Here are five reasons why you continue to
fall in love with someone who won't reciprocate your feelings.
1. You're not in love.
You
enjoy the person's concept. You enjoy the concept of what they stand for in
your life. You enjoy the way they make you feel when you're around them. You
admire what they can accomplish for you. You imagine how they will fit into
your future without taking the time to learn about the part they believe they
will play in yours. Even when you're not compatible, you romanticize them.
Love
is a choice. Love is a performance. Love accepts individuals as they are, but
wishes to see them grow into their full potential. Love necessitates sacrifice.
Love is long-suffering, patient, and kind. Love doesn't carry grudges, doesn't
get angry easily, and doesn't envy. Love is a soothing
emotion. Love develops gradually over time. We sometimes mix up love with lust.
Lust is a strong sexual desire for someone that can cause the brain to short
circuit. Our affection is frequently conditional. We're all simply trying to figure
out what the hell is going on.
2. You keep re-creating harmful relationships because they make you feel good.
Your
beliefs about love may be skewed if you had a strained connection with one or
both of your parents. Your parents didn't have to be abusive or alcoholics to
influence your feelings about love. Some parents did their best, but they
couldn't possibly know everything. They were trying to figure out their own
feelings and didn't have the tools to deal with yours, making you feel
unimportant. People-pleasing or being exceedingly selfish were ways for you to
compensate for this apparent lack of worth. Relationships that leave you
feeling safe to make you feel safe since you are constantly rejected. Why?
Because love is earned through hard labor. It's tedious to have someone love
you just because. It's far too simple. Passion and anguish, on the other hand,
are what you seek.
3. You despise yourself.
Because
you don't love yourself, you frantically seek the affection of others. You
connect to others as a distraction rather than focusing on the wounds in your
life that need to be healed. When we finally meet the person of our dreams, we
frequently damage the relationship. We participate in behaviors and mental
patterns that prevent us from achieving the things we so deeply desire: love,
belonging, and meaningful connections. Acting indifferent toward the person you
love, seeking attention from other people while in a relationship with the
person you love, or failing to show up for them in a meaningful way are all
examples of sabotage.
4.
You're afraid of being exposed, losing control, and losing intimacy.
You've
created a tough exterior. You want to love but don't want to be harmed at the
back of your mind. There's always the possibility that the people we care about
will abandon us. Loss can occur as a result of death, separation, or divergent
life paths. You're probably afraid of vulnerability, loss of control, and
intimacy. You quickly form bonds with the people you like. You reveal too much
information too soon, or you reveal too much information to the wrong people.
You must grow and establish trust in love.
5.
You prefer the sensation of falling in love to the sensation of being in a
relationship.
Because
you enjoy the thrill of the chase, you fall for people who don't love you. You
want to be committed, but you also want to be free. These opposing ideas are
the result of avoidance and feelings of being undeserving. You're trying to
avoid the unpleasant feelings that come with being alone with yourself. You
used to love in the same way that we used to medicate with booze, food, drugs,
or pornography. Love can be fulfilling, but it isn't a quick remedy. It's a
choice. It's unlikely that you'll feel like loving every day. How will you deal
with it? You'll be able to embrace the idea of commitment and receiving love as
you gain confidence in yourself.
How
do you break the pattern of falling in love with someone who doesn’t
reciprocate your feelings?
You
focus on developing stable attachments by:
-learning
how to self-soothe
-learning
more about your attachment style
-loving
yourself first rather than waiting for approval from others
-genuine
giving
-strive
for improvement rather than perfection-compare yourself to who you were yesterday
rather than other people
-investigating
one's hobbies and interests
-loving
those who love you -writing in a journal
-forgiving
yourself for everything you're ashamed of
-exercising
gratitude
Secure
attachments are partnerships in which you are not always concerned that your
partner may abandon you. They are partnerships in which emotional connection
and closeness are not feared. It's a type of relationship in which you and your
spouse keep some of your uniqueness. They're the kinds of interactions that
make you feel calm and supported rather than agitated.
Because
you're terrified of receiving love, you keep falling in love with individuals
who don't love you back. You're afraid of being loved because a part of you
thinks you're unworthy. Some part of you believes that life must be difficult.
You're putting off the necessary self-work. To break free, work on uncovering
your trauma and loving yourself first. You deserve good things. It’s a gift to
be a person who loves.