Top 10 Myths About Dating
Our
culture is replete with dating myths, much like urban legends, those tales that
look convincing but only contain a thin thread of reality. Although they seem
to make a lot of sense, they are untrue. In reality, the false information
spread by these beliefs prevents many people from having fruitful
relationships. How many of these stories do you think are true?
Myth #1: I have a better chance of meeting Mr. or Mrs Right if I go out with more people.
People
who have only recently started dating frequently hold this mindset. But after a
while, this turns into a remedy for relationship exhaustion. We'd encourage
daters to be picky from the beginning of their dating careers and only accept
suggestions that appear reasonable.
It's
preferable to date a select group of people who seem compatible with you
"on paper" as opposed to a large number of "nice"-sounding
but unsuitable candidates. You are seeking one lasting mate, not 100 cups of
coffee, so dating isn't a numbers game.
Myth #2: The most beautiful and intelligent women marry first.
We
often consider the many brilliant, educated, and attractive single women we
know who have not yet met the ideal man to marry when we hear remarks like
this. Many of these women have acquaintances who are happily married but who
may not be as successful, clever, or attractive as they are. However,
marriage-focused dating is not a game where the one with the "highest
score" wins.
An
attractive or successful woman might get more date offers than some of her
friends, but many of them might not be right for her. Her "checklist"
can be lengthier, which could make it more difficult for her to meet Mr Right.
When a woman is dating with the intention of getting married, her attention
should be on finding the ideal partner; the length of this process has nothing
to do with her IQ, talent, or beauty.
Regardless
of one's wealth or height, God has a match for them all.
Myth #3: I would have been married a long time ago if there were more social events.
Nowadays,
social "mega-events" rarely result in marriages. Because participants
prefer to interact with those they already know, gatherings designed to draw as
many people as possible typically fail to unite individuals. Even when someone
feels comfortable approaching a stranger, the environment is typically too impersonal
for any meaningful dialogue to occur.
Small-scale
event planners can increase the effectiveness of their events by providing
opportunities for strangers to meet and connect with one another and by
inviting lots of married couples who can help with introductions, talks, and follow-ups
after the event.
The
error of putting all of one's eggs in one basket is one that many people
commit. There isn't just one ideal place to meet the right person. You have no
idea who will assist your "match," whether it will be your best
friend, the weekend's planners, a coworker, a professional matchmaker, or your
handyman. Utilizing several networking opportunities increases your chance of
meeting the one you intended to marry.
Myth #4: If you've been dating for a while, you must be an expert.
Before
a speech we give, we'll frequently overhear an unmarried person saying,
"What new information are Sherry and Rosie going to impart to me? I know a
lot about dating!" Frequently, that same individual would come up to us later
and remark, "You see things from a different angle than I did. I wouldn't
be struggling as much as I am right now if I weren't the self-proclaimed
"expert" on dating. I hate to admit it, but I need to make some
changes to who I am and how I've been approaching relationships."
When
we talk to singles who have been dating for some time, we always advise them to
adopt one new thought or a notion that has previously been mentioned but hasn't
been attempted as a foundation for altering their dating habits.
Myth #5: If a first date doesn't go well, you two are probably not a good match.
It
is possible to tell immediately away on a first date whether you and your date
are not a good match, if either:
· You
don't share my ideals and objectives.
· You
find your date's personality or looks strongly repugnant, and
· You
find it physically and/or emotionally challenging to endure the date because of
how different you are from him or her.
· You
both are looking for different things in life.
However,
it is typically impossible to determine this early on whether a person is
suited for you. Often, it takes a few dates for you to feel a connection with
someone. Give it another shot if you're unsure. Today, a lot of couples are
successfully married because they listened to this counsel.
Particularly,
physical attraction frequently develops with time. Many of us have romanticised
what we want to look like, so when we date someone who doesn't match that
ideal, we may be tempted to declare, "I'm not attracted," and stop
going out. Even if they weren't initially attracted to the other person, many
people have told us that they chose to give themselves a few more dates to get
to know them better and discovered that they began to like the other person's
appearance. This is a quick process, and during the first three to five dates,
the attraction usually begins to grow.
Myth #6: A blind date's first impressions are always accurate.
People
aren't always themselves when they meet someone new because it's just part of
human nature. A person who takes a while to warm up could feel more at ease
after the second or third meeting. Someone else could appear to be very
endearing at first but later reveal himself to be domineering, self-centred,
or nasty. A poor day at work or the onset of a cold could have a detrimental
impact on someone's relating style.
Then
there are the typical errors people make that they later regret, such as
putting their foot in their mouth, nervously speaking too quickly or
excessively, feeling uncomfortable because they wore the wrong outfit entirely
for this particular date, or attempting to impress the other person when they
shouldn't have. It takes time for another person's true nature to emerge. For
this reason, it's wise to hold off on passing judgement on a first date.
Myth #7: If we date for a longer period of time, the issues I have with the other person will be resolved.
Probably
the most pervasive dating myth is this one. Nothing about courtship is perfect.
However, if there is something about the other person that bothers you and you
are unable to resolve it either on your own or with them at a young stage of
courtship, it is likely that no matter how long you date, you will never be
able to do so. It's known as "spinning your wheels," and it frequently
happens when the other person appears to be correct in all but this one
instance.
Before
they understand the cycle, they are in, some people need to go through this a
few times. Major problems won't arise or will be quickly overcome when the
appropriate person enters your life, making the romance much easier.
Myth #8: He'll get it together with the "right" girl!
This
is a harmful misunderstanding. A person must first change from the inside out.
Marriage is not a "fix" for someone who lacks self-awareness, lacks
self-control, struggles to maintain employment or make ends meet, doesn't
believe it is necessary for him to take medication that makes him more
functioning, or is unable to manage the duties of daily life.
A
"lost" spirit should locate himself prior to marriage, not after.
Unjustly expecting their spouse to "fix" them, many unhappy people
mistakenly feel that once they find someone to marry, they won't need to get
themselves in shape. These marriages typically have a highly unpleasant ending
or divorce. If you've ever heard of a person who changed his life after
marriage, it was likely because he made the decision to do so without the
encouragement of his spouse.
Myth #9: If most of your friends and family don't like the person, you're crazy with, it doesn't matter. You are aware of him, and your judgement is the only one that counts.
There
could be a personality issue between the person you're dating and one of your
friends or family members. Because of your feelings, desire, or sense of pride,
you might not be able to recognise something when a few people who care about
you believe there is an issue with your dating partner.
It
would be wise to examine the situation more closely in this situation. Before
you make any decisions about the future, go on dates with different people,
have more in-depth conversations on difficult topics, learn about each other's
backgrounds, and date for a sufficient amount of time to get to know each other
well.
Myth #10: Love overcomes all.
Many
too many people have entered into ill-suited marriages as a result of the idea
that anything can be resolved if two people fell in love. He wants to move to
Israel; she likes California; he wants to practise more religion; she won't
give up pepperoni pizza; he wants his wife to stay at home with the kids; she
plans to pursue her job.
Some
couples want to start by getting engaged and iron out the specifics afterwards.
The issue is that because these lifestyle objectives frequently form the basis
of a person's identity, they are frequently difficult to compromise. They are
an invitation to a broken engagement or divorce if they are left unaddressed
and turn into a constant cause of friction in a marriage. No matter how much
two people care about one another, if they can't accept fundamental differences
in their values, expectations for their way of life, or aspirations for the
future, their relationship is generally not going to last.