How do you quit pleasing others?
People-pleasing behavior can display a range of
problematic behaviors, ranging from not knowing how to express healthy rage to
constantly being afraid of upsetting others.
The interactions we have as adults in later phases of
our lives are shaped by our upbringing and the conditions of our youth.
However, when we grow up in dysfunctional homes where our emotional needs are
not satisfied, we develop the belief that we are not deserving of care. As a
result, as we grow older, this shapes us to be people pleasers. "The
trauma response of the fawn is people attractive. It's crucial to have
compassion for yourself when you break this tendency because it formerly kept
you safe. Nicole LePera, a psychologist, wrote in her latest Instagram post and
addressed the signs of people pleasing and how to overcome it.
Our mental health can be seriously harmed by people
pleasing. We develop a strong desire to betray ourselves as we continually
learn to put the needs of others above our own. Additionally, we overflow with
unhealthily fueled rage, bitterness, and a sense of being taken advantage of.
Nicole took note of the indications that, despite their appearance,
people-pleasing is truly a trauma response.
· Rage:
The inability to communicate constructive anger constructively and a profound
dread of conflict or combat can appear to be people-pleasing.
· Yes
or no:
There are instances when we are not prepared to complete a task or do
something, but we choose to say yes to appease the other person.
· Detailed
explanation: A persistent tendency to over-explain oneself or to
apologize excessively for errors is a people-pleasing attitude.
· Opinions:
When
we are people pleasers, we struggle to articulate our own. This may also result
from our desire to avoid disappointing the other person.
How
do we stop trying to please everyone?
· Disappointment:
Keep
in mind that distressing or disappointing others are a part of life, and
sometimes out of our control.
· Boundaries:
Setting
limits is vital and healthy in relationships; it has nothing to do with
insulting the spouse.
· Needs:
We
are deserving, and our desires, needs, and opinions are all significant.
Additionally, we must keep in mind that our value is independent of other
people's opinions of us.