Angry Sex: Is It Healthy?
What Is Angry Sex?
Angry sex is the release of suppressed aggression and passion during sexual practices that are often wild and intense.
People that engage in angry sex are mainly married couples. Angry sex frequently occurs after a major quarrel while emotions are still strong, or it may occur hours or days afterward in the form of makeup sex.' Sometimes angry sex might take the place of talking about relationship problems.
This article examines furious sex, the necessity of permission, and how to make angry sex comfortable for all people involved. Let's find out how having angry sex impacts your mental health.
What Does Angry Sex Look Like?
Despite knowing why and when angry sex occurs, you may still be curious about what happens during furious sex. Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., ASTROGLIDE's resident sexologist, outlines what angry sex may entail:
Interrupting a discussion to be physically sexual
Sexual behaviors that are out of the ordinary (expression of more animalistic desires)
Spontaneity
Feeling more calm and sensible after sex; tension alleviation
Transferred states of arousal (for example, when you're furious, your body becomes physically aroused with increased heart rate, blood pressure, and flushing; similar changes are also felt during sexual arousal and can occasionally induce it)
Angry Sex and Consent
Consent is required in every element of life. When you consent to anything, it means you approve of and agree with the situation.
When it comes to angry sex, all sexually involved individuals must agree to sexual acts. Because angry sex can be violent, chaotic, and crazy, it's more crucial than ever to ensure that your partner is always comfortable and safe
According to Shagoon Maurya, a counseling psychologist, psychotherapist, and the founder of www.ursafespace.com: "Consent is not only healthy and safe, but it is also exhilarating. When you have your partner's permission, you are more likely to perform well in sexual intimacy. As a result, when it comes to physical intimacy, the first step is to ask your spouse [for consent]."
Can You Have Angry Sex With Anyone?
Is it possible to have angry sex with anyone? Yes. You are free to have sex with a stranger while you are furious, just as you are free to have sex with a stranger when you are not angry.
But is it safe? No. Because the stakes are bigger, angry sex is riskier. You are admitting a stranger into your world, both physically and mentally. So, because you're not just having conventional sex, comfort is the most important factor.
How to Make Angry Sex Comfortable
According to Maurya, furious sex can help a partnership get over a difficult period. Couples may hesitate and become more worried as a result of their intense nature (which defeats the purpose of angry sex).
Couples that want to practise pleasant angry sex should:
Communicate: It is critical to start thinking about angry sex before you hit a hard spot. This serves as consent and informs us of our partner's choices. Respect their decision if they say no. If they desire to experiment, you can allow them to do so when the time comes.
Establish boundaries: It is typical for intercourse to be rougher than usual during angry sex. Bondage, physical pain, control, and other such things are more common in angry sex. Someone can have such passionate sex to the point where it becomes painful and hurtful at times. Setting and practicing boundaries in the bedroom is therefore critical.
Intuitive thinking: Develop your sense of when you should have angry sex. Things can get too serious at times. As a result, it is critical to gauge the atmosphere before approaching your spouse with any sexual approaches.
Aftereffects of sex: During a difficult period in the partnership, sex was simply a portal to a closer intimacy. However, this is only the beginning. The more critical stage is what happens after strong intercourse. That is, having a real conversation about the issues that led to the angry sex. Then, engage in soft intimacy with your partner and discuss your concerns in a kind and affectionate manner.
Have a healthier relationship (apart from sex): This is a broad term that encompasses attempts to improve both the relationship and yourself. Healthy communication, a strong private life, a pleasant work life, and so on can all help you live a richer life with your partner. As a result, you will be able to have a healthier sexual relationship with your spouse.
How Does Angry Sex Affect Mental Health?
As previously said, furious sex is a non verbal form of communication. It can be used to avoid contact, but having angry sex instead of contact is rarely a good idea. Having furious sex to avoid communication does not fix the problem.
When permission is not present and/or abuse occurs, angry sex begins to have an impact on mental health. Maurya also feels that if anger is frequently followed by sex, it establishes an unhealthy pattern in the relationship since your mind begins to associate anger with arousal and desire.
As a result, partners may develop a yearning for unpleasant feelings to facilitate sexual engagement. The Pavlovian reaction occurs when people get conditioned to patterns.
Is Angry Sex Ever Successful?
The best way to measure the success of angry sex is to ask. Ask your spouse if they enjoyed and felt comfortable during sex. Evaluate yourself and consider how the experience affected you. Do you feel better or worse as a result? Was it fulfilling? Are you feeling awkward?
The most important thing to remember is that angry sex should not be used to avoid what's really going on. Sex will not resolve issues or make them better.
Communication will always be the best option and if you and your partner don't know how to navigate together, therapy is an option to explore.
Bottom line: Don't try to use angry sex as a replacement; it could turn into a toxic addiction potentially harmful to everyone involved.
A Word From Ichhori
Angry sex exists for a reason, therefore if you and your partner have agreed to indulge in angry sex, it may be worth investigating. Feel free to experiment with it! Discuss boundaries and observe each other's body language to determine whether the encounter is enjoyable for either of you. However, if you and your partner are using angry sex to avoid confronting marital severe difficulties, it may be time to consult with a couple's therapist.