Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?
A new study breaks down the reasons—they’re complicated
Cheating is the greatest relationship sin and a known relationship killer. The phenomenon is commonly discussed but difficult to study, making it a favorite chatting topic. Why admit infidelity in the name of science when the purpose is to avoid being caught?
On the other hand, scientists can provide new insights into a topic frequently veiled in stigma and mystery. Cheating is rarely a simple matter, as researchers have recently proved. People cheat for a variety of reasons, and the patterns are more nuanced than prevalent clichés suggest. An interesting new study illuminates these reasons.
The study comprised 495 persons (87.9% of whom identified as heterosexual) who were recruited through a volunteer pool at a large U.S. institution and through Reddit chat boards with relationship-related topics. The participants acknowledged cheating in their relationships and addressed the mystery's central question: Why did you do it? An analysis showed eight major reasons: anger, low self-esteem, a lack of love, a lack of commitment, a need for diversity, neglect, sexual desire, and a setting or condition. These reasons determined not only why people cheated, but also how long they cheated, their sexual delight, their emotional commitment to the affair, and whether or not their primary relationship ended as a result of the affair.
Though the majority of cheating involves sex, it is rarely just about sex. The majority of participants indicated some type of emotional attachment to their affair partner, although it was substantially more common in those who reported neglect or lack of affection in their primary relationship. Almost two-thirds of individuals (62.8%) acknowledged feeling affectionate toward their new companion. Approximately the same amount (61.2 percent) engaged in sexually explicit conversations with them. Four in ten (37.6 percent) had intimate chats, and one in ten (11.1 percent) said, "I love you." Those who reported feeling less attached to their primary partner reported more emotional intimacy in the affair, maybe to meet that need. Individuals found the experience more cognitively and emotionally fulfilling when adultery was linked to a lack of love.
The reason for the affair influenced the participants' enjoyment of sex. People said they felt more sexually pleased when they were cheated out of desire, a lack of affection, or a desire for diversity. Those who attributed the principal cause to a scenario were significantly less satisfied. Kissing and cuddling accounted for the majority of sexual activity (86.7 percent) (72.9 percent). In reality, only half of the cheaters reported having vaginal intercourse, according to the study.
The reason for the infidelity also had a significant impact on its length. In some situations, the connection was a brief affair, while in others, it was a longer and more intense bond. Those who cheated out of rage (such as a desire to "seek vengeance"), a lack of affection, or a want for variety had a longer affair, whereas those driven by the situation (such as those who were "drunk" or "overwhelmed" and "not thinking clearly") stopped it sooner. Women also had lengthier affairs than men on average.
In the end, just one-third of the participants acknowledged cheating on their primary partner. Women were more likely than men to confess. Those who confessed were more likely to have cheated out of resentment or neglect than out of sexual desire or variety. This shows that their confession was a type of retribution and a means of exacting revenge rather than a means of clearing their conscience. Participants who admitted to having an affair were also more likely to enter a committed relationship with the affair partner.
While infidelity is often a covert affair, some cheaters were less cautious than others, possibly on purpose. Those who cheat due to a lack of love went on more public dates and showed more public affection for their relationship. PDAs were also popular among individuals looking for novelty or to increase their self-esteem. Situational cheaters, on the other hand, were less likely to cheat openly, maybe because they intended to return to their primary relationship without being discovered.
Is an affair, then, a relationship killer? Ultimately, the fate of the participants' primary connection was determined by what inspired the conduct rather than the act itself. Cheating was more likely to end a relationship if it was motivated by anger, a lack of love, commitment, or neglect. It was even less likely when the infidelity was circumstantial. Surprisingly, only one in every five (20.4 percent) relationships ended due to an affair. The exact number of couples (21.8 percent) remained together despite their primary partner discovering their adultery, while somewhat more (28.3 percent) remained together despite their primary partner discovering their infidelity. The remaining partnerships ended for reasons other than adultery.
Infidelity rarely resulted in a genuine relationship. Only one out of every ten affairs (11.1 percent) resulted in a full-fledged commitment—one of the stereotypes that proved to be correct.