Why Women Need to Take Up Space and Seize Opportunities: Seize the Table?
The
feminist movement has come a long way from Virginia Woolf's "A Room of
One's Own" to Sheryl Sandberg's "Sit At The Table." But it is
now up to you, me, and every other woman in the world to keep it moving
forward.
We
had good, top companies as clientele when I was an article assistant for a
reputable audit agency. I was working from the client's office on one of those
days, and I was the only member of my team present. I was therefore working by
myself in the cabin that was designated for us auditors. Midday had arrived.
After sending the one email I was obliged to send since I was so hungry, I
estimated that my lunch would be ready in about five minutes.
A
client employee who served as our point of contact knocked on my cabin door at
that same moment and requested me to join him, his senior (who was a director
of the company), and their other team members—all men—for lunch. He claimed
that they considered asking me to join them for lunch because you are by
yourself today.
I'm
not sure what occurred, but the prospect of having lunch with the company
director and everyone else on the client team, whom I didn't know very well,
made me uncomfortable.
I
told the director that I would need some time today to finish some essential
work and that I wasn't yet hungry because I was worried about what I would say
to the director or what if he asked me something that I didn't know and I would
look stupid to him. After accepting, the worker went to have lunch. And I, like
a moron, had to sit and keep working for a while after their lunches to demonstrate
that I had something vital to finish.
This
episode is only one illustration of how I've downplayed myself in the past. I
had the ideal chance to develop a client relationship and a network, both of
which are critical in business.
What
did I have cause for fear? Why did I reject a good casual opportunity because I
had already labelled myself as sounding stupid or silly? The client was willing
to invite me to join them for lunch when I was 20 or 21 years old, so why
should I have judged myself and cancelled it on my own when there was no need
to?
I
believed that if there had been at least one female at the luncheon, I might
have felt a little more at ease and agreed. But I also understood that,
whatever how much I could wish for it, this wouldn't always be the case. And I
have to be honest with myself and say that I backed down and underplayed
myself.
A
few months after this episode, I read Sheryl Sandberg's book "Lean
In," and when I got to the chapter called "Sit at the table," I
instantly remembered the entire lunch invitation scenario. And I became aware
of how many other women also have a tendency to downplay themselves. These were
mental boundaries that had been instilled in us by society, and I, we all had
to relearn them.
I
recall that in my liberal arts college classes, practically all of the female
students would begin their inquiries with, "I am not sure if this is the
appropriate question," "Sorry, this may be a foolish question,"
etc., while the male students would just state their queries or offer their
comments. One of our teachers in the lecture correctly noted that we women need
to quit doing it. It is disappointing that this happened in a liberal arts
programme where all of the students were at least graduates from prestigious
colleges who had participated in a highly competitive selection procedure. For
trans women, the situation is worse.
All
these seemingly insignificant events have actually taught me a lot and assisted
me in unlearning a lot of things. And with every occurrence like this, I've
learned just one thing: despite all the obstacles, I must make sure to take
advantage of my opportunities and forgive myself for the ones I've missed, just
like any woman!
"Each
time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it probably, without
claiming it, she stands up for all women," Maya Angelou observed, and she
was absolutely right. So, I came up with a personal motto: "If given the
chance, speak or even just sit at the table but always make sure you at least
attend to the table!" And I sincerely hope that I uphold the standards I
have set for myself, as doing so would be a service to my femininity.