How to Be More Sexually Intimate With Your Partner
Sexual intimacy entails engaging in sexual acts with someone to whom you feel emotionally linked.
What Exactly Is Sexual Intimacy?
According to one definition of sexual intimacy1, both partners should feel that their sexual relationship needs are being addressed in the partnership.
It is possible to have one but not the other (for example, sexual intimacy but not emotional intimacy, or vice versa), although sexual intimacy often requires feeling both.
Learn how to be more sexually intimate with your spouse (and yourself!) by scheduling sex, being more direct in your requests, and making time for self-pleasure.
Sex Schedule
You put other pleasant things on your calendar, like a date with your partner or a gym class you want to take—why not put sex on there as well?
"A lot of people believe that sex must always be spontaneous, but it may be necessary to schedule it," Cooper-Lovett says. It may seem corny, but it doesn't always happen that way. In fact, having the sex on your calendar may help to keep it top-of-mind.
Experience Things Together
Because emotional intimacy is a component of sexual intimacy,2 it is critical to build sexual closeness through activities outside of the bedroom.
Cooper-Lovett advises, "Have experiences that will bring you emotional intimacy." "For example, if you both enjoy travelling or going to the theatre, these activities might get individuals up."
Doing things outside of your typical daily routines can be invigorating, especially if you've been in a relationship for a long period. Plus, witnessing your partner master a new talent or wear something different might be enticing.
Have Outercourse
As a teenager, you might have known it as "dry humping," but outercourse3
(non-penetrative sex) might be an excellent method to ease yourself back into more sexual intimacy. Furthermore, outercourse can be used to create sexual tension between you and your partner without engaging in intercourse.
Use your imagination because the definitions of what constitutes outercourse are vast. This can also be an opportunity to dabble in things you might want to attempt as part of intercourse, but you want to build trust with your partner first.
Put It In Writing
Cooper-Lovett says she likes the thought of doing anything filthy via text message. "It's simpler to say what you want when you're texting," she explains. "We often have difficulty expressing ourselves verbally, so it's easier to explain ourselves in writing."
According to research, more than half of individuals engage in sexting, and many see it as a fun method to establish communication with their relationship.
Characteristics of Sexually Intimate People
Knowing some of the traits of sexually intimate people might help you distinguish between what you wish to bring into your life and what you already have.
Sexually Intimate People
- Feel physically and emotionally safe
- Feel as though they are having their needs met
- Clear in communicating needs and wants
- Can be sexually intimate without being physical
- Feel safe in their own bodies
Sexually Disconnected People
- Turn to sex to numb emotions
- Having sex when intoxicated
- Have a hard time saying no to sex
- Use sex to manipulate
- Lack boundaries
Benefits of Being More Sexually Intimate
Building sexual closeness can bring couples closer together emotionally , as well as provide the following advantages:
Improved mental health: A study of couples who were sexually active during COVID-196 lockdowns found that those who were sexually active experienced less anxiety and depression than those who were not. Improved sexual intimacy can bring couples closer together, but emotional intimacy does not always translate into sexual intimacy.
More emotional intimacy: Improved sexual intimacy can bring couples closer together, but emotional intimacy does not always translate into sexual intimacy.
Better levels of overall relationship happiness: While an unpleasant sex life typically causes conflict within couples, a sexually intimate relationship leads to higher levels of overall relationship satisfaction.
Better sleep: Who hasn't slept better after a good sweaty sex session? Orgasm causes an increase in oxytocin, which helps you sleep more peacefully.
Potential Pitfalls of Being Less Sexually Intimate
You've just read about the benefits of being more sexually intimate—here are some of the disadvantages of being less sexually intimate.
Negative sentiments about sex: This might lead to an avoidance loop in which you don't want to have sex if you don't enjoy it. This merely exacerbates the problem.
Immune system function is impaired: Yes, a lack of sex6can result in more colds!
Vaginal atrophy: A lack of sexual intercourse or masturbation can result in reduced blood supply to the vagina, leading to atrophic vaginitis, which can cause painful sex, urinary tract infections, or incontinence.
A Word From Ichhori
If you're in a relationship and feel as though you've lost that sexually intimate connection with your partner, remember that you're not alone. Almost half of people8 report feeling this way, especially after being in a long-term relationship.
Try some of these suggestions, and if you're truly suffering with becoming more sexually intimate, consider getting a physical for yourself and/or your partner. One of you may be suffering from depression or a medical condition.