Is Your Friendship Becoming an Emotional Affair?

Many couples have a strong and lasting friendship at their foundation. According to Dr. John Gottman, a close friendship is one of the most crucial characteristics that contribute to a successful and lasting marriage. Outside of marriage, quality relationships are equally essential for a happy and fulfilling life. When those relationships cross the line and become inappropriate, a marriage can be abruptly turned upside down and ripped apart. To protect their relationships, couples can benefit from setting clear limits.

SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH FRIENDS

In my own life, I am commemorating 28 years of marriage. My hubby is my closest friend. We started practicing appropriate boundaries with our friendships, particularly those with people of the opposite gender, early in our marriage. We developed a list of clear boundaries in other relationships because we never want to jeopardise our marriage.

Contrary to popular belief, not all affairs are the result of a strained marriage or a lack of affection between spouses. A loving marriage and healthy friendships can coexist if you are careful not to cross emotional or physical limits. Physical boundaries are quite evident; yet, many individuals fail to recognise that emotional relations generally unfold gradually. When they are exposed, they may evolve into physical affairs, causing mayhem and turmoil.

The difficult element is that many emotional affairs are not intended to be thus. Infidelity frequently begins in casual employment partnerships, platonic friendships, or neighbourhood acquaintances. In most cases, they occur spontaneously. Trouble arises when people begin to cross emotional intimacy boundaries, sharing material that should only be discussed with their spouse.

When emotional boundaries are violated, it progressively leads to the sharing of more and more intimate communication. Stronger feelings may emerge, and before the individual realises it, they've acquired feelings for their friend. If left unchecked, this would almost certainly lead to sexual infidelity and will certainly jeopardise the security of the marriage.

How can you tell if you or your spouse's other friendships are in jeopardy?

15 SIGNS YOUR FRIENDSHIP HAS CROSSED THE LINE

• You feel more comfortable confiding in your friend than you do in your spouse.
• When you chat to your friend, you express your unpleasant feelings or ideas about your spouse.
• When you talk to a buddy, you divulge more intimate facts about your life than you do with your spouse.
• You and your spouse do not have the same level of friendship.
• Your husband is unaware of your friendship with your pal.
• You would be uncomfortable if your husband overheard your discussions with your friend.
• You find yourself worrying about your friend more than you should.
• You look forward to seeing your friend more than you do to seeing your spouse.
• You meet your friend alone for coffee or meals without informing your husband.
• You frequently communicate with a friend on social media without informing your husband.
• When you are with your friend, you experience sexual tension or attraction.
• You and your friend are talking about the sexual tension in your friendship.
• You and your pal engage differently when you are alone than when other people are there.
• You look forward to seeing your friend on a frequent basis.
• You have feelings for your friend.

If you disagreed with all of these assertions, you are probably not having an emotional affair. If you answered yes to the majority of these questions, you may be participating in an emotional affair.

HOW TO END AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

Your marriage may be jeopardised if you have an emotional affair. It could be a good idea to call it quits on that friendship. If this is a work colleague or someone you must see on a frequent basis, you should consider setting some firm limits right away. If you want to save your marriage, you should consider hiring a therapist to help you process your feelings and hold you accountable.

Contrary to popular belief, not all affairs are the result of a strained marriage or a lack of affection between spouses. In my practice, I frequently see couples who are preoccupied with their work, raising children, or caring for elderly parents. All of these responsibilities might lead to people losing sight of their marriage or spouse. Healing a marriage is frequently as simple as not taking our spouse for granted and staying emotionally connected to our partner.