What Is Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder?

Post-infidelity stress disorder is a sort of anxiety condition that can occur after discovering that a loved one has been unfaithful to you.

Being cheated on by a loved one can be terrible emotionally. It can be traumatizing and make it difficult to function. According to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a professional psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University who specializes in relationship issues, the feeling can be similar to experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

You are not alone if you have been cheated on by a loved one and are struggling to cope. According to a 2021 study, between 30% to 60% of those who have been cheated on feel symptoms of anxiety, despair, and PTSD after learning of their partner's infidelity. This is known as post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD). 

Dr. Ortman adds in the study that even after the woman divorced her husband and pushed him out of the house, she couldn't get over the horrible experience of betrayal and couldn't stop thinking about it. She was irritable, agitated, and unhappy, and she had regular nightmares and weeping fits.

In this article, we will look at the signs and causes of post-infidelity stress disorder, as well as some therapy choices and coping tactics that may be useful if you or a loved one is going through this.

Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

According to Dr. Romanoff, the following are some of the symptoms of post-infidelity stress disorder:

Rumination: You may ruminate over your partner's infidelity and have recurring ideas about it.

Trauma recall: You may experience terrible recollections, flashbacks, or dreams that relive the traumatic experience.

Numbness: While some people are overcome with rage and hurt after learning of their partner's betrayal, others become numb and emotionless.

Avoidance: You may try to act as if nothing occurred and avoid all reminders of your partner or the relationship.

Anxiety: You may have anxiety symptoms such as chronic and persistent worry.

Depression: Symptoms of depression include a continuous sense of melancholy or emptiness, as well as regular bouts of crying.

Isolation and withdrawal: You may find yourself withdrawing from friends and family in favor of being alone. You may no longer find satisfaction in activities that used to make you happy.

Insomnia: You may experience insomnia and irregular sleep patterns. As a result, you may find it difficult to concentrate, and your professional performance, social and family relationships, and overall functioning may suffer.

Trust issues: You may have difficulty trusting any future partners. For example, you may become upset if you notice your partner has received a text message since it may trigger terrible memories in you.

Hypervigilance: In order to protect yourself from future trauma, you may begin to look for danger or threat in seemingly innocuous incidents in subsequent relationships. You may suspect that any communication or contact your spouse has outside of the relationship is false. This can cause you to have a bad opinion of your spouse and the individuals with whom they interact.

Difficulties in relationships: Lack of trust can make future relationships difficult to sustain because it causes you to mistrust your partners and pick unnecessary fights with them.

Predisposing Factors

While post-infidelity stress disorder can affect anyone, according to Dr. Romanoff, some people are susceptible to it, including:

• People who have already suffered trauma or abuse.
• People who have trust issues and are hypervigilance in relationships People who have a fragile sense of self-esteem and tend to have dependent personalities
• People who have a pessimistic attitude toward the world, themselves, and others
• People who suffer from codependency

Diagnosing Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

It's worth noting that, unlike PTSD, post-infidelity stress disorder is not an official diagnosis recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a manual used by healthcare providers to detect and diagnose mental health issues.

"Post-infidelity stress disorder is neither an official diagnosis nor is it utilized in a professional capacity." However, according to Dr. Romanoff, the word "may occasionally help healthcare providers retain a consistent nomenclature or language so the set of symptoms can be more simply communicated and understood."

In the aftermath of a traumatic incident of infidelity by a loved one, a patient may be diagnosed with anxiety, depression, or PTSD, depending on their symptoms.

Treating Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Dr. Romanoff discusses some of the therapy possibilities for post-infidelity stress disorder below.

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is investigating a person's attitudes, feelings, and actions, which can become inflexible, fixed, and unreasonable at times, and replacing them with more adaptive ones.

Cognitive restructuring strategies can assist in addressing the person's story of the infidelity and gradually exposing them to it so that it does not feel as powerful and awful. When adopting exposure strategies, the betrayed individual will begin to intentionally focus on the details of the infidelity rather than ignoring them in order to begin the healing process.

Trauma-Informed Care

It is also beneficial to approach post-infidelity stress disorder via the trauma-informed care lens, trying to increase the individual's self-confidence and exploring the impact of betrayal on how they may have negative views of the world, themselves, and others.

Therapy can also look at what happened in the relationship before the trauma to figure out what caused the trauma, what caused it, and how both parties can go ahead.

Family Therapy

It can often be beneficial for the individual and their family to engage in family therapy together in order to process and deal with infidelity and its effects on the various members of the family.

Medication

If the person has severe symptoms, their healthcare provider may prescribe some of the following medications in addition to therapy:

• Antidepressants
• Anti-anxiety medications
• Anticonvulsant

Coping With Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Dr. Romanoff advises the following coping tactics if you are suffering from post-infidelity stress disorder:

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is a fantastic place to start. This could include eating healthy foods, limiting time spent on social media, resting, or participating in activities such as attending a group exercise class, going for a walk or run, or spending time with family and friends.

Feel Your Feelings With Support

Spend time journaling, seeing a therapist, or talking with friends or family to identify, feel, and work through your emotions and reactions to the betrayal. The first step toward accepting and moving on from a circumstance is to fully experience your reactions to it.

Schedule Worry Time

It may be beneficial to arrange concern time so that your thoughts about your partner's infidelity do not consume your entire day. You can set aside time to focus on your emotions, have a controlled time to ponder or absorb the event, and readjust. When this time is up, you can respect your internal boundaries and go on to other tasks that require your time, effort, and attention.

Don’t Blame Yourself

Don't blame yourself for the infidelity. You have no power over another individual and are not responsible for their decisions or actions. It may be tempting to take credit for the affair in order to gain control, but each individual is ultimately responsible for themselves. At some point, it may be beneficial to reflect on the dynamics of the relationship and how you showed up in it for yourself and others, but in a constructive and self-aware manner rather than shaming or blaming.

Seek Social Support

Make use of your social support system. To provide you with a sense of stability and security, reach out to friends, family, coworkers, and your therapist. Consider joining a support group, such as Infidelity Survivors Anonymous, to connect with others who may be going through a similar experience.

Find a Healthy Balance

It's critical to balance social (visiting friends and family), physical (exercising), and personal time (getting enough sleep, meditating, cooking, or doing other relaxing activities). You don't want to overwork yourself to exhaustion.

Work on Building Trust

When you're ready, work on reestablishing trust with yourself and others. Begin by listening to, hearing, and trusting your own feelings and intuition about people and situations. Then, turn your attention to opening up and restoring, growing, or deepening your trust in others.

Begin by working on trusting your feelings and intuition about people and situations. Then, turn your focus to trusting others and opening up to them. You must remember that your partner's poor judgement has nothing to do with you.

A Word From Ichhori

When you're ready, work on reestablishing trust with yourself and others. Begin by listening to, hearing, and trusting your own feelings and intuition about people and situations. Then, turn your attention to opening up and restoring, growing, or deepening your trust in others.

Begin by working on trusting your feelings and intuition about people and situations. Then, turn your focus to trusting others and opening up to them. You must remember that your partner's poor judgement has nothing to do with you.