New Dating Trend — Whelming: What It Is and Why Everyone’s Talking About It
If you’ve been swiping through dating apps lately, chances are you’ve run into it. Not ghosting. Not breadcrumbing. Not orbiting. It’s called whelming, and it’s the new dating trend that’s getting on everyone’s nerves.
What is it? Why is it happening? And how do you deal with it if it happens to you? Let’s cut through the fluff and break it down.
What Is Whelming?
Whelming is when someone you’re chatting to on a dating app brags or complains about how “overwhelmed” they are with attention from other people on the app.
It usually sounds like:
- “Ugh, I’m getting so many matches right now, it’s exhausting.”
- “Can’t keep up with all these people messaging me.”
- “Dating apps are a nightmare — so many options.”
It’s low-key showing off while also pretending to be a victim of their own popularity. Annoying, right?
Where Did This Trend Come From?
Like most modern dating problems, it came from dating app culture itself. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge have made it ridiculously easy to stack up matches. And for some people, bragging about those matches has become a weird flex.
It picked up steam on Reddit, Twitter, and dating blogs around late 2022, with users venting about matches who couldn’t stop complaining about their “popularity.” The name whelming stuck — and it’s been trending ever since.
Why Do People Do It?
There are a few reasons:
- Validation. Some people love attention and want to remind you how desirable they are.
- Control. Making you feel like you should be grateful they’re talking to you.
- Nervousness. Believe it or not, some people whelm because they’re awkward and don’t know what else to say.
- Dating fatigue. Others genuinely feel overwhelmed by apps and vent without thinking how it comes off.
Why It’s a Problem
On the surface, it might sound harmless. But whelming sends a clear message: “I have options, and you’re just one of them.”
It makes the other person feel:
- Unimportant
- Like a backup plan
- Less interested in continuing the conversation
And it kind of kills the vibe for both people.
What Should You Do If Someone Whelms You?
Simple. You’ve got three options:
- Call it out. Politely say you’re not interested in hearing about their inbox count.
- Ignore it. Change the subject and see if they pivot.
- Unmatch and move on. If someone starts a convo by flexing their matches, you’ll probably dodge a headache by walking away early.
Why Whelming Exists in 2024
The problem isn’t the apps — it’s how people use them. Modern dating is fast, transactional, and driven by instant validation. Whelming is just another symptom of that.
Too many matches? That’s a luxury problem. But instead of handling it maturely, some people overshare and kill the conversation vibe by flexing it.
Stats You Should Know
- 60% of dating app users feel overwhelmed by the number of conversations happening at once. (Pew Research, 2023)
- 46% of women on dating apps have experienced “whelming” behaviour in the past year. (Refinery29, 2023)
- 1 in 4 singles say dating apps give them decision fatigue. (Bumble, 2022)
- 30% of Gen Z app users consider whelming a dating dealbreaker. (Cosmopolitan UK, 2023)
Other Dating Trends You Should Know
- Breadcrumbing
- Ghosting
- Orbiting
- Love Bombing
- Situationships
If you’ve been in the modern dating world, chances are you’ve experienced more than one of these. Whelming is just the latest addition to the list.
Helpful Reads:
- Safe online dating tips for LGBTQ+
- Impact of social media on LGBTQ+ community
- Popular LGBTQ+ dating apps in 2023
FAQs
What is whelming in dating?
It’s when someone brags or complains about getting too much attention on dating apps while talking to you.
Why do people whelm others?
Mostly for validation, attention, or out of awkwardness. Some genuinely feel dating app fatigue too.
Is whelming a dealbreaker?
For many, yes. It’s seen as rude, self-absorbed, and a turn-off in 2024 dating culture.
Final Thoughts
Whelming is just another modern dating headache. If you spot it early, call it out or move on. Plenty of people out there are still capable of having a normal conversation without announcing their inbox count.
Keep it simple. Look for people who want to connect, not compete. And if you need more safe dating advice, check out our safe dating tips here.