Lifestyle

5. #WhyShouldiShutUp: ‘…I felt guilty as a female and happy as a mother..’

My real life struggle started when I got divorced. I just could not bear his abuse and domestic violence. I tried to protect my married life but one fine day I gathered all my courage and walked out of his house along with my two kids but no money.

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I wanted to start my new life with new city so I boarded a bus to New Delhi. I did not have any money or belongings with me. I was so scared and worried about ‘what will happen next’ and how life would treat me and my little kids. I knew that problems will come running and that too in abundance but I didn’t know that one of them will strike so sudden. The journey I took thinking of my freedom swallowed one of my children as he went missing from the bus.

I was not in my senses for a long time as no police officer was taking serious action towards my situation. I kept running to the police station every now and then to enquire about my missing child but no one was as concerned as I was. Rather police was busy in their usual work of making some extra bucks from the needy ones like me.

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One day when I visited police station to enquire about my missing child, I was asked to wait for the whole day and the day turned into night. No one was ready to share the status of missing child probably because they had not even started searching for him. A police officer asked me to leave but I told him that I had no money and no one to look up to. I cried a lot while telling him my whole story. I told him everything because he was the first person who heard me. He offered to help. I was happy that at least someone has got some heart in him. He offered me money but held my hand and said ‘I will give you money, but you also need to give me something in return’, I was shocked. He wanted to sleep with me. I was so broke and helpless that I could not let go of that money. More than his lust, all I could see was the hungry face of my little kid. I took the bait and had to sleep with him for two days.

I felt disgusted and kept crying whole day. But, for a change I was not crying with empty stomach. My kid was smiling after getting some food down his tiny belly. I just kept crying with mixed emotions, I was guilty as a female and I was happy as a mother!

My extreme struggle taught me that I had only one resource and that was my body. For the sake of my child, I decided to use the only resource I had and life jumped onto the circumference of that vicious circle.

Those people, who never came forward to help me out in my struggle, started judging me. But, was I wrong? Even I do not know whether I was wrong or not, only thing I know is that the only thing which gave me support and helped me fill my empty belly was my body. And I have no shame in talking about it, why shouldn’t I? Should I take moral lecture from those who used me? I guess not, I am not that cheap. Unlike those people, I might have sold my body but not my soul!

#WHYSHOULDISHUTUP

Pics: Google.

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Lifestyle

4. #WhyShouldiShutUp: Small OR Big?

Nobody knows what is going to happen in next second but we often assume things to be normal. One day I assumed that it is going to be the best day of my life because I am going to meet my biggest inspiration SHAKTI MOHAN.

I got to know about her event a night before and in the morning I am all packed up to meet her in person. The funniest part is that I woke up before my alarm today and on that matter of fact mom says while seeing me awake “I wish you could do this more often, to save your ruined life”.  I ignore her sweet and bitter dose and rush to leave for the event.

Kavya (my best friend) is waiting for me downstairs who is guiding Ola driver to reach the pick up location and I, meanwhile is lacing up my shoes. Sunglasses check, outfit check, hands free check, gift for my lady check, oh now I am all set to rock the dance floor, flipping my hair. That we leave for the event my heart beats are increasing with the decreasing distance of the destined location. It is a day I have been waiting for so long and I waiting for my kind of a dream to come true. There is not even a single second that I have not thought about her. We reach the drop location and I feel that it took us no time to reach here perhaps I am wrong as I am not in my senses.

The event has started already and I get my breath back when I get to know that SHAKTI MOHAN is not here yet. So, after waiting for an hour or two, I finally get to meet her and besides, I get to share same stage with her which is no less than a miracle for me. She is such a beautiful soul and I can’t deny that I was on the cloud nine at that time. I hug her and tell her how much I respect her struggle. I tell her “She is a perfect example all the women can look upto” So it is actually a grand moment for me which I am going to cherish throughout my life. After the end of the event Kavya and I both agree to go back by metro which is kind of a fun ride for us as for many others in Delhi. So we board the metro. I am feeling totally high and Kavya is poking me for behaving insanely in metro. We are actually laughing a lot and our station (Rajiv Chowk) is about to arrive. So we, with the rest of the crowd approach the exit door to get down. Metro gets slow, Kavya is standing beside me and she does not look comfortable but I ignore it because I am in my own world of excitement after meeting Shakti Mohan.

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When we start getting off the metro, suddenly Kavya screams at a guy and tells me “this guy grabbed and pinched my butt, that too 2-3 times.” It made both of us so furious that we both kick that guy in front of crowd and hand him over to the security force (CRPF) to take rest of the action.

You see, how abruptly things change and some cheap guy just ruin your day. A disgusting move by a guy has made so big difference to our day. The incident has put off our moods. These kinda cheap people do not have any idea what a dignity of girl means. To them girl is just a meaningless, valueless object who they can feel, touch and abuse whenever they feel like. I wonder what happiness do they get out of these disgusting acts?

Pics: Google

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