Lifestyle

6. #WhyShouldiShutUp: My uncle wished me Happy Bday, then he raped me

I have always been told that the “Home is the safest place on Earth” but what I have experienced in my own home all these years, proved this statement wrong. I went through hell at my own home in presence of my so called ‘own’ people. My own family member killed my soul and I have been dead all through my life. I used to be a happy, chirpy and joyful kid but some incidents changed me into an isolated, grumpy and cantankerous human being.

Let me narrate my real story because I can’t take it anymore and I have to take this heavy burden off my chest.

I was only 12 and the favorite child in my family. I was smart, healthy, humorous and polite kid. At least that’s what I heard from everybody about me then. But things suddenly changed when an uncle of mine came over to our home to stay for a few months. On his very first day of entering our house I got this vibe that he is not a good person. The way he looked at me or rather my private parts made me highly uncomfortable. But he being an elder person and I being a 12 year old kid, I had to pay respect to him. He always looked at my private parts while talking to me, many a times he tried to touch me by showing his affection for me but I abruptly run away from him.

It was 12 February, my birthday. I was very excited and so was my family. My mom told me that after 12th Bday, I would be a powerful girl, it will be a new start f my great life. We all were planning how to celebrate my birthday. My mom and dad left me at home alone to shop for my birthday party. The creepy uncle was not in the town so I was more than excited on my Birthday. It was 2 pm when the doorbell rang; I thought may be some friend of mine is there to wish me Happy Bday so I hurriedly opened the door. To my shock and disappointment, it was the same creepy uncle who appeared after 2 days to surprise me on my birthday.

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He came inside and made me sit over his lap. Initially, I thought it was his fatherly love but the moment he got to know that nobody’s home he started kissing me here and there and all over my body. I was obviously feeling very weird but I went numb out of fear. I had no courage to question him about his doings. He started removing his clothes and forced me to remove mine too. He then lowered his underwear and tried to put something inside my vagina. I had no idea what was going on. I kept on kicking and punching him but he was too strong to get hurt from my tender hands. I was only a 12 yr old girl. I kept crying.

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He used his force and did something which gave me immense pain and with that pain came in the blood which shook me. I was trembling in pain and fear. But he kept on forcing himself on me and trying to go inside my vagina with that thing, over and over again until he got exhausted. I was lying on the floor naked in pain and agony whereas he was sleeping after doing god knows what. Then in an hour or so when he woke up, he threatened me saying if I tell anyone about this he would kill my entire family. My family was way more valuable and important for me compared to  my self-respect so I kept myself quiet throughout these years and this was not the only time I got raped, it went on and on.  I lived like a dead body and carried my dead soul all these years. How can someone be so cruel, emotionless and brutal to a kid just to have sexual pleasures?

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5. #WhyShouldiShutUp: ‘…I felt guilty as a female and happy as a mother..’

My real life struggle started when I got divorced. I just could not bear his abuse and domestic violence. I tried to protect my married life but one fine day I gathered all my courage and walked out of his house along with my two kids but no money.

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I wanted to start my new life with new city so I boarded a bus to New Delhi. I did not have any money or belongings with me. I was so scared and worried about ‘what will happen next’ and how life would treat me and my little kids. I knew that problems will come running and that too in abundance but I didn’t know that one of them will strike so sudden. The journey I took thinking of my freedom swallowed one of my children as he went missing from the bus.

I was not in my senses for a long time as no police officer was taking serious action towards my situation. I kept running to the police station every now and then to enquire about my missing child but no one was as concerned as I was. Rather police was busy in their usual work of making some extra bucks from the needy ones like me.

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One day when I visited police station to enquire about my missing child, I was asked to wait for the whole day and the day turned into night. No one was ready to share the status of missing child probably because they had not even started searching for him. A police officer asked me to leave but I told him that I had no money and no one to look up to. I cried a lot while telling him my whole story. I told him everything because he was the first person who heard me. He offered to help. I was happy that at least someone has got some heart in him. He offered me money but held my hand and said ‘I will give you money, but you also need to give me something in return’, I was shocked. He wanted to sleep with me. I was so broke and helpless that I could not let go of that money. More than his lust, all I could see was the hungry face of my little kid. I took the bait and had to sleep with him for two days.

I felt disgusted and kept crying whole day. But, for a change I was not crying with empty stomach. My kid was smiling after getting some food down his tiny belly. I just kept crying with mixed emotions, I was guilty as a female and I was happy as a mother!

My extreme struggle taught me that I had only one resource and that was my body. For the sake of my child, I decided to use the only resource I had and life jumped onto the circumference of that vicious circle.

Those people, who never came forward to help me out in my struggle, started judging me. But, was I wrong? Even I do not know whether I was wrong or not, only thing I know is that the only thing which gave me support and helped me fill my empty belly was my body. And I have no shame in talking about it, why shouldn’t I? Should I take moral lecture from those who used me? I guess not, I am not that cheap. Unlike those people, I might have sold my body but not my soul!

#WHYSHOULDISHUTUP

Pics: Google.

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2. #WhyShouldiShutUp: One Winter Morning

Waking up to this day is no less than a nightmare to me. I am expecting something terrible unwrapping this day and my gut feeling is very strong about ‘disaster on the way’. I am eating my breakfast with such wrong vibes that fruit jam tastes like bitter gourd to me. I don’t want to leave home today but calculating my leaves per month is forcing me to take my ass off the chair.

Missing two metro trains in one go is another omen for me that I shouldn’t take trains, I should rather use some other means of transport. So I choose to walk because office is not that far from my place. Although it is 10 o’clock in the morning but I hardly am able to see people because in winter people love to remain under cosy blanket instead of going out in the cold.

While walking I am in my own world of observing nature, chirping of birds, slightly visible rays of sun and scattering of moist fog, Suddenly, I notice a guy under a shady tree whose piercing eyes are more onto my private parts than my face, the distance between him and me is not that far. Now, you can’t blame my dress as I am not exposing even my face because of the cold weather. Ignoring him, I try to rush but suddenly I hear a voice of ‘CHIIIICCHHIIICH, Heyy..’ and my eyes followed the voice. I just look at him casually because it is not the first time that I have been teased by boys on the road. But he looked different than others, the way he was looking at me made me feel like I was an eatable item. He had a smile full of disgust on his face, and he was shaking and making vulgar gestures, I look at him carefully and get shaken up inside, the guy is MASTURBATING. I am in a GREAT shock! WTF just happened!

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I am trembling in fear and unimaginable shock. I just wanna run away from that place but foggy weather and seeing no one around on the road, makes me scared even more.

I gather myself somehow and start walking as fast as I could. His disgusting act made me feel like I am not a human being, anyone can ignore me, and anyone can use me against my will and won’t even bother about how I feel about it.

How filthy, disgusting, inhuman and immoral it is. How can anyone even do such a thing? I am so much shaken up inside, my mind is too busy trying to clear that filth out of my mind but I remain silent whole day, not even a word about it or anything else. I just cannot talk, my mouth is locked!

I want to take some strong action against it but I can’t. I am scared of people judging me or rather holding me responsible for this incident. But for how long girls will have to bear this non sense? What else do we have to do to prove that we are also human beings? How do we convince them that we have a soul and it gets hurt too?

We all have to rise up and make a noise, a big massive loud shout about it. Let everyone hear for once and all that we are human beings and we need to be treated like humans! #WhyShouldiShutUp.

Pics: Google

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1. #WhyShouldIShutUp: Harassment in public transport

“No mom I don’t wanna go anywhere, it’s Saturday and I wanna sleep a little more.” UUURRGGHHHH! Guyz who needs to set an alarm when you have your mom in its disguise? Still shouting at me so that I can take my ass off the bed but I, like always wanting those essential 5 more minutes. It was kinda good morning for me because for a school going kid nothing is better than a morning sleep. After leaving the bed I got to know that we were going to my aunt’s place and going to have a really nice lunch there. For that mouth-watering feeling, I got ready really quick so that we can leave as early as possible.

My mother, brother and I are now leaving for the whole day enjoyment and fun. We wait for personal auto rickshaw but at last waiting for too long forced us to take sharing auto. Mom and I sat together at one side of the sharing auto and bro sat at the other side with other two male passengers. You must be wondering why am I so concerned about mentioning the gender of the co-passengers, let me tell you the incident takes place because of them being a male. I am in a very jolly mood and waiting for the day to show me abruptly what is there in the treasure for me but I didn’t know that an incident is going to happen which would shake me up for years. Being a teenage girl and not facing any harassment is the only thing I believe is IMPOSSIBLE.

I am enjoying the nature outside but suddenly I feel something touched my feet. After few seconds I noticed that a guy sitting in front is touching my feet on purpose. I feel uncomfortable, it never happened with me so I am totally blank. I want to share it with mom right away but I am unable to even speak. He touches it again and I am searching for a place to keep my feet far from him but unable to keep it away as you know how small sharing autos are. I, spreading the corners of my eyes while looking at him to threaten him but in reply he still gives me a wink and a kiss.

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I desperately want to get down from auto rickshaw ASAP. I was scared that while getting down, he might grope me and the same thing happened. Auto halts for us to get down and when my turn comes to get up, he gropes my buttocks with his filthy hand. His smile was the most disgusting expression I had seen in all my teenage years. He touched my ass as if it belonged to him. Nobody knows what happened in the auto, only me and that guy. I was so confused, scared and was shivering with some kind of unknown fear, at least unknown till that moment of disgust.

I was just a happy going, chirpy, innocent teenage girl. That incident made me very silent and sad for days. It may vanish from his mind in no day but this is going to be with me forever. Silently, I cried for days and months and nobody knows. The irony is nobody even cares even if they notice anything of this sort. I couldn’t come out of that feeling of being used and feeling of being a non-human being to that co-passenger. I will have to fight my own battle. A battle which I didn’t even know that I would have to fight ever in my life. But I will and I will destroy the feeling of disgust and will come out of it like a warrior!

#WhyShouldIShutUp

Pics: Google.

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Male Harassment: How Serious Are We About It

Even google can’t pop up the harassment of men, then how can the world get to know that any inappropriate actions done to men are also harassment.

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You may take it as a joke when a gay or any guy touches another guy inappropriately without his consent but it is harassment.

Why don’t we understand the real meaning of equality?

Equality is when you give equal rights to both men and women & any wrong thing or action done to both of them is wrong. People are degrading the real meaning of feminism by spreading the other wrong concepts. Nowadays, being a feminist means you consider women superior to men and what everything is done by men is wrong. NO. Feminism is equality; no one is superior to the other gender.

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Despite the consequences that cause from sexual harassment whether it involves men or women, harassment is wrong. And harassment done on men is never taken seriously. It is being taken as a fun. Women deal with sexual harassment and there are a growing number of cases of both men and women harassing male employees have emerged and isn’t taken up that seriously.

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If we stand for the women, that doesn’t mean that we want to degrade men. We want equality between both of them and that should be the real motto of everyone’s life.  Safety of both the genders is necessary.

People should be aware of harassment among men & women both and also give proper knowledge to the people about what actually feminism is.

Some men don’t report about being sexually harassed because they’re afraid of being mocked and this is what our society does. When it’s done to women they show their fake grief and don’t take any further actions to stop that and when it’s being done to men, they take it as a joke.

The question is where is Humanity? Only humanity can lead to Equality and this is how the mind-sets of society grow.

pics: Google

 

 

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What causes RAPE?

So men find the woman a seducer just because you can see her cleavage?

So the women are objects for men’s contentment?

Touching a woman without her consent is rape. There is no any other explanation, no any other justification that a man can touch a woman just because he’s her spouse or her boyfriend.

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As the girls grow older, they get used to these things and being a woman we inherit what is dictated to us-

~ Avoid drinking around men, you’ll get raped.

~ Avoid flaunting your body, you’ll get raped.

~ Don’t enjoy so much, you’ll get pregnant.

~ Don’t roam around at night, girls are not safe. (Khuli hui Tijori ho tum)

~ We should stop living instead, no? Haha!

We are told strangers are dangerous but, Can you please marry a stranger you don’t know? We are told “Aise hi Hota hai” even if our husbands try to get intimate even if we say NO.

Strangers are dangerous but our families don’t have any idea that the place in which we are living is also not safe for us.

The women are getting safety tips all over the world ~ Watch your drinks, you may let someone rape you. Watch your boundaries; you may be giving men the wrong signals for your character.

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Why don’t we tell men to control their lust for women and be well mannered? Why can’t, men respect a simple NO from women? Men feel superior to women and they think it is a woman’s right to make them feel content just for their pleasure.

Said by a judge, what we can expect from other humans then –

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Blame the Rapists, Not the Victims!

pics: Google

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CAT- CALLING: DISTURBING ISSUE MOST WOMEN FACE

Many of us don’t even know the meaning of this word, however, faces this every random day. Cat Calling is an informal invitation given by men to women on the streets that too attached with lots of love in it where women are benefited with free offers of sex and any other pleasurable needs with no terms and conditions applied from their side.

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It seems like women are born just to get harassed by men with escaping no corners be it any street, neighborhood, workplace and oh! How can I forget the safest place, HOME, where most of the molestation takes place within four boundaries and in return, it turns the life of a girl into hell. From a survey it is concluded that a male gender gets attract towards a female gender when she starts getting hormonal change which appears physically like widening of hips, developing of breasts, appearance of pubic hair and growth spurt which make her mature enough to tempt but then how will we define the rape with a five year old and even with four and eight months old girl which has nothing to tempt? Is it true to say that its women who tempt men by their physical appearance or even by their dress up? It is not our fault that we are beautiful, instead, they should go all blind if they come up with this reference that women are the reason for increasing rapes in the country.

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Personally, I have never met a girl who would say that she has never been catcalled or harassed by men. It looks as if we have been bestowed with this copyright without asking for permission. Can you imagine how it feels like being touched by someone that too inappropriately, without your permission? And you don’t even realize if it is good or bad and hence, this is the place where parents lack. Talking about such topics in the typical Indian family is a taboo, so with lack of knowledge we tolerate it for years and then end up making it no less than a hell. What do you think till which end it is acceptable if we take it individually? If you are in a process of becoming a lady or already a lady then you will or must be facing problems where men try to touch you in multiple ways, try to pinch your ass, grab your boobs, feel your vagina, which definitely makes you start thinking that you would have done better with a DICK instead of  a vagina as it happens with every girl living next door, replace that thought by making it your strength and only by being strong you can conquer those douchebags living at every corner across the globe. Will it be acceptable by our society if we start intimidating guys verbally, like this?-

  • ‘Aye sexy, bada mast lag raha hai kahan chala?’
  • ‘Aye, kya maal hai tu to bhyi’
  • ‘16 ka dola 46 ki chhati hai kya janeman?’
  • ‘Are aaj to bahot garmi hogae hai dekho zara isko itna hot lag raha hai’
  • ‘Iske achhe hain…
  • ‘Aye baby bombshell’

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Will it? Yes, that is why it is unacceptable to girls as well. It is not cool to use words like slut, prostitute, and whore for a girl who says NO. And girls, if you start giving it back then only you will be able to stand for yourself, if a man looks at you do not get uncomfortable instead stare him back from head to toe, to show him that you are not afraid. Ignoring and walking away is not a solution, somewhere we need to take the risk and from there we can gradually change our surrounding.

It is not nice, none of it is nice.

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Crop Top or Crop Mind?

What do we girls like most in our lives? Whole world says that the favourite item in a girl’s life is the Diamond but I am pretty sure that it’s the wardrobe that she likes the most in her life. Just like other girls, my wardrobe is my favourite place where I keep all my favorite things such as my dresses, jewelry, bags, files and my heart!

We girls love to shop for new trendy dresses, don’t we? You can measure the personality of any girl by the way she keeps/manages her wardrobe but be careful; you can trouble her for many things but just cannot touch her wardrobe without her permission. And if she shows her wardrobe to you on her own, you must consider yourself very lucky indeed.

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All girls have one thing in common when it comes to their wardrobes. And that common element is that we all have trendy dresses which we love but hesitate to wear them when we want to. So, every girl has that one or two pairs of dresses which she buys with passion and excitement but feels very hesitant to wear because those dresses are short.

If girl wears short or even a bit revealing dresse, they get judged by so called society. And mind you that our own parents and family members are also part of that society. This is what has been happening in our society that people make you feel worthless if you choose your choice of YOUR OWN life. If the narrow-minded people stop thinking like this about us, so many girls who are trapped in their rooms, can go out, grow up and conquer the world. Are we a domain of these guys? They think girls wear clothes to lure boys. Well, let me tell you in simple words that we DON’T.

Girls like to wear trendy clothes to look beautiful and more importantly because it’s our choice. Those who comment on any girl’s dress, whether they are boys, girls, aunties or uncles, the problem is not in the dress or the girl, the problem is in the mind of these narrow-minded people. Do they even know that in ancient times, a woman never used to even wear a blouse? So, you guys really think that the rape cases, eve teasing, acid attacks have been happening because of our short dresses. The list of #MeToo goes on and on.

iChhori feels sorry for those narrow-minded people because they could not grow their mind morally or even otherwise. The problem is in the way they have been raised by their parents. In most of the families, we can see the difference in the way a boy is raised versys the female child. The women are taught to have to adjust for everything and females are forced to be nicer and more mannerly compared to the boys in the family. The men are raised like the lord of the nation by not even teaching the manners to respect their own sister and mother and the boys are given whatever they want and that too, instantly. This trend in the families is making the boys stubborn and when they need something their mind does not let them adjust until they get what they want. They force their way of life on others and hence they see short dresses as an act of cheapness and invitation for sex, rather rape!

Girls do not have crop top but people have crop mind!

Why a girl is forced to wear the dresses which cover her most of the body even if she is not comfortable in it. In my opinion, men and women have got equal right to choose what they want. Stopping them to achieve their own way of life is just not appropriate and it should not be acceptable. short dress is not an excuse for sexual harassment.

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When was the last time you heard about guy being a cheap one, just because he wore a short dress or went topless in public? Boys are allowed to go even nude and this is considered to be an act of heroics. While on the other side, girls are labelled as prostitutes, if they choose to wear the dress of their choice. What a great level of thinking and what a society we have been developing so far. It disgusts me to witness such double standard of our society. The men are supposed to be taking care of women, they are supposed to be standing by our sides, they are supposed to be pampering us for the life but we  get thrashed, raped and gang raped. A group of men force themselves onto a timid, scared, fragile and innocent girl and the society blames the girl for wearing the short dress. Those who call themselves men after such acts should bear in mind that the girl is the real men in the act, she fights a group of aggressive and uncontrollable men, bears all the pain and still stands up and moves on in life. You and your cheap thinking is not enough to stop her from rising up and standing tall!

 

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