My real life struggle started when I got divorced. I just could not bear his abuse and domestic violence. I tried to protect my married life but one fine day I gathered all my courage and walked out of his house along with my two kids but no money.
I wanted to start my new life with new city so I boarded a bus to New Delhi. I did not have any money or belongings with me. I was so scared and worried about ‘what will happen next’ and how life would treat me and my little kids. I knew that problems will come running and that too in abundance but I didn’t know that one of them will strike so sudden. The journey I took thinking of my freedom swallowed one of my children as he went missing from the bus.
I was not in my senses for a long time as no police officer was taking serious action towards my situation. I kept running to the police station every now and then to enquire about my missing child but no one was as concerned as I was. Rather police was busy in their usual work of making some extra bucks from the needy ones like me.
One day when I visited police station to enquire about my missing child, I was asked to wait for the whole day and the day turned into night. No one was ready to share the status of missing child probably because they had not even started searching for him. A police officer asked me to leave but I told him that I had no money and no one to look up to. I cried a lot while telling him my whole story. I told him everything because he was the first person who heard me. He offered to help. I was happy that at least someone has got some heart in him. He offered me money but held my hand and said ‘I will give you money, but you also need to give me something in return’, I was shocked. He wanted to sleep with me. I was so broke and helpless that I could not let go of that money. More than his lust, all I could see was the hungry face of my little kid. I took the bait and had to sleep with him for two days.
I felt disgusted and kept crying whole day. But, for a change I was not crying with empty stomach. My kid was smiling after getting some food down his tiny belly. I just kept crying with mixed emotions, I was guilty as a female and I was happy as a mother!
My extreme struggle taught me that I had only one resource and that was my body. For the sake of my child, I decided to use the only resource I had and life jumped onto the circumference of that vicious circle.
Those people, who never came forward to help me out in my struggle, started judging me. But, was I wrong? Even I do not know whether I was wrong or not, only thing I know is that the only thing which gave me support and helped me fill my empty belly was my body. And I have no shame in talking about it, why shouldn’t I? Should I take moral lecture from those who used me? I guess not, I am not that cheap. Unlike those people, I might have sold my body but not my soul!