Was it a sin or a crime or both or neither, I don’t know yet, but if I would not have done that then you would not even talk or sit with me today. I was only 18 and too young to understand what was happening in my life, I was too immature to take decisions. But all of a sudden, I got pregnant. It’s been more than 10 years, I and my boyfriend have been together. Our relationship has always been strong and our love for each other grew every day. We started dating each other when we were in 11th class and love was all that I could think of at that time. I still remember that special day. On my 18th birthday, he decorated the entire place for me and that was the most beautiful moment of my life. Candles, flowers, heart shaped balloons all were shinning in the room and so was our love. I had lied to my parents that day saying that I was with my best friend and spent the night with my boyfriend instead. In the heat of the moment, we got very close and took our love beyond all the social boundaries. Days later, I was supposed to get my periods, but I missed them. I was not sure about the period cycle so I waited for a week. After waiting for a week in vein, I shared the problem with my friend and she asked me to get a home test done. It was really tough for me to go to a medical shop and buy the pregnancy test kit. So I went to the chemist and asked him in low hesitant voice, ‘bhaiya ek pregnancy test kit dena pls.’
I rushed back home with the kit and went straight into the washroom. I took the kit out and read all the instructions carefully. As I saw the pink line making its mark, my stress level was at its peak. 1 line turned dark pink then the second line also appeared and I was sure I was pregnant. I cried deep in my heart. I knew if I kill this baby, I would kill our child and if not, then my family would kill me for ruining their trust in me. I called my boyfriend told him the shocking details. Just like me, he too was scared and confused. But one of my friends was aware of such situations and she helped me in getting the child aborted. I always heard my mom and other ladies saying that ‘abortion is a sin’ but if I would not have committed that sin would they have accepted me and my baby?
After 10 years of that incident, I and my boyfriend are married now and I am 4 months pregnant, BUT It’s not my first child because I KILLED my first child!
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